The Office

Jim Halpert Quotes (Page 22)

Michael: [sighs] How can he still not know?
Jim: We can't figure that out.
Michael: I can't take it anymore.
Dwight: Wait, what? You can't take what?
Michael: I am telling Andy.
Dwight: No. You can't do that. It shouldn't come from you.
Michael: Who should it come from, then?
Everyone: [simultaneously] Angela.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Excuse me, everyone, can I have the floor please? Um, this is insanely awkward. It's kind of the elephant in the room, so I'll just... [sighs] No one has RSVP'ed to our wedding yet, and the deadline was yesterday.
Michael: Wait, you still don't know...
Jim: No, no. Nope.
Andy: Hmm?
Jim: Nothing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: Andy still doesn't know that Angela's having an affair with Dwight. And it's been 17 days. I mean, eventually he'll figure it out, when their kids have giant heads and beet-stained teeth. But right now it's just... awkward.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Pam: I knew it.
Jim: You did not know it.
Pam: I knew some of it.
Jim: Everyone knew some of it.
Pam: It's Christmas.
Jim: You knew it.
Pam: Thank you. I knew it.
Jim: She knew it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Okay, how do you feel?
Meredith: A little better. I threw up.
Michael: Ick... TMI.
Kevin: Fire girl! [crickets] Too soon?
Jim: Yeah.
 • Rating: Unrated

Oscar: We're back on the 5th, should we just do it then?
Michael: Can not do it then. Monthly dental appointment, soft teeth
Oscar: What about February 2nd?
Jim: Ah... would you want to do it on Groundhogs day?
Michael: No, no. I celebrate privately.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Michael: Jim, Jim!
Jim: What is it?
Michael: That is vodka and I mixed it with orange juice. I call it an orange-vod-juice...ka.
Jim: Wow, that is delicious.
Michael: Yeah.
Jim: Can't believe no one's thought of that.
Michael: I know!
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Jim: I will grant you one wish.
Pam: I wish that you'd stop rubbing that lamp in that creepy way.
Jim: Stupid. Everyone knows to ask for a hundred more wishes. [Pam laughs] Dumb.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: That's the Christmas spirit.
Dwight: I am simply punishing those parents that would wait till the last minute to get their child a gift. And such a genetically improbable one. Look at that. How does that happen? King has sex with a unicorn? Man with a horn has sex with a royal horse?
Jim: Yes.
Michael: Oh, hey, is that Princess Unicorn? I thought they were all sold out.
Dwight: They are now.
Michael: Cool. [sings] My horn can pierce the sky!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: Ah. You brought in your doll collection.
Dwight: These are not dolls, Jim. These are commodities. Same as gold or oil.
 • Rating: Unrated

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