The Office

Jim Halpert Quotes (Page 26)

Meredith: I'll go. Have you guys ever met Bruce Myers? The Scranton rep for Hammermill?
Michael: BRRRRUUUCCCEEEE.
Meredith: Well, for the past six years I have been sleeping with him in exchange for discounts on our supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates.
Jim: Jackpot.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ryan: Jim. I wanted to apologize... for how I treated you last year. I lost sight of myself and now that I've quit the rat race I've realized there's so much more to life than being the youngest VP in the company's history. I've even started volunteering. Giving back to the community.
Jim: Well that's great. You're talking about your court ordered community service?
Ryan: I don't need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean.
Jim: But he did, right?
Ryan: All right.
Jim: All right.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: All right, I'm taking off.
Michael: Booty call.
Jim: Nope, just going to see Pam.
Michael: Here.
Jim: Maybe put up some shelves.
Michael: Wait a second. [removes condom from wallet, throws it to Jim] I don't want you to end up with a surprise pregnancy like me.
Jim: OK, thank you for ... this.
Michael: You want more?
Jim: No.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Does anyone have any idea what the number one cause of death is in this country?
Dwight: Shotgun weddings.
Jim: That's not what that is.
Creed: Fright. Being scared to death.
Michael: No.
Holly: Obesity-caused illnesses.
Dwight: Obesity-caused illnesses.
Michael: Thank you. Holly is right.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Jim: When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us to believe that he was the father. By telling us that he was the father.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jim: Why haven't I proposed yet? Uh, actually Pam and I talked about it. And we just decided that, um - well, we didn't want to spend first three months of our engagement apart. And Pam's always said she doesn't want a long engagement. Something in her past, I guess. I'm not really sure of the whole story, but something about a guy who used to work here...
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow.
Jim: [looks to Michael for a "That's what she said," but Michael is silent] Really? Nothing?
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Tuna! I'm engaged!
Jim: I know. That's awesome, man. That's great.
Andy: Mr. Andrew Bernard... got a nice ring to it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: [leaving a message] Hey, Ryan, it's Jim. Look man, I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but you know what? I really don't care, because you're trying to get rid of me. And I bet you don't think I care enough about this job to actually fight back, but you're wrong, because I do, and I will. So you can keep trying to push me out of this place, but guess what? I'm not going anywhere.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: I'm going to propose tonight. Holy crap!
 • Rating: Unrated

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