The Office

Jim Halpert Quotes (Page 29)

Michael: So. This is the dealio. God has smiled upon me and given me two tickets to the big party in New York tonight. What are you doing this evening? Look at that. They have their own little language now. Like twins.
Jim: Sure we'll go.
Michael: Alright. Well fight it out amongst yourselves. I was thinking Pammy but boys night out is also good.
Jim: Oh I'm sorry. What?
Pam: One of the tickets is for him.
Michael: Just let me know who the winner is.
Pam and Jim: Not it.
Jim: Nope.
Pam: I won.
Jim: Definitely not. If anything it was a tie.
Pam: Tie goes to the girlfriend.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: The company is projecting record high sales, and that by 6:00 the website will be the new best salesman in the company. Wow! Watch out Dwight.
Dwight: That's ridiculous. I'm not going to be beaten by a website.
Jim: Actually it sounds like you are.
Dwight: Really? 'Cause Ryan says so?
Kelly: If that's from Ryan, does it mention if he's seeing anybody?
Michael: No. It doesn't. I'll find out tonight.
Stanley: Yes, please let us know.
Dwight: I can make more sales than a computer. In fact, I challenge that website to make more sales than me today.
Angela: Waste of time.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: Michael? This is the press release I was telling you about. Ryan wants you to share it with everyone.
Michael: Oh, does he?
Pam: He does.
Michael: Mmmmmm. Okay. Attention. Earthlings. I have some news. Beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep beep, beep beep beep beep. Okay. Today is the big day that I am heading to New York to attend a party with sushi and important people. On an unrelated note, if anyone has an interesting anectdote that is not boring and easy to memorize please drop by my office before I leave. Thank you.
Jim: Whoops. Is that really what Ryan wanted you to tell us?
Michael: And... today the Dunder-Mifflin Infinity website officially launches.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: There's this cube on the screen, and it bounces around all day, and sometimes it looks like it's heading right into the corner of the screen, and at the last minute it hits a wall and bounces away. And we are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: Swore I wouldn't tell anyone this, but in the interest of revealing secrets. Oh my God, this will make your brain explode. Umm, Dwight and Angela dating. Have been for six months.
Pam: No...
Jim: Swear to God.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: Wait a second. Last time I checked, Dunder Mifflin already has a website. And quite frankly, I'm not really sure what's wrong with it. [cut to Jim looking at the website reading "Under Construction. Coming Christmas 2002!"]
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: Hey Toby.
Toby: Hey... you two.
Jim: Hey. So now that we are dating, uh, we just wanted to know if we had to sign one of those 'we're dating' things for the company.
Toby: Oh well, you know, those were only for, you know, "relationships," so... if ... if this is just a casual thing, there's no need, really.
Jim: Oh.
Pam: Well, I don't wanna speak for Jim, but, it's like pretty official.
Toby: Uh huh.
Jim: Sorry, uh do we need to sign one, or...
Toby: Let's just wait and see what happens. You know?
Jim: What?
Toby: Let's just wait.
Jim: Oh, OK.
Pam: OK.
Jim: Great.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: So I closed the door but the image of his...
Jim: Baquette.
Pam: ... dangling participle...
Jim: Eww.
Pam: ... still burned in my eyes.
Jim: I can imagine.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: So what's your strategy for this race?
Pam: Well I'm gonna start fast.
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Pam: Then I'm gonna run fast in the middle.
Jim: What?
Pam: Then I'm gonna end fast.
Jim: Why won't more people do that?
Pam: Cause they're just stupid.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Ok, I have an announcement.
Oscar: You pushed Darryl out the window?
Michael: No.
Phyllis: You shot Dwight?
Michael: No! That is not funny, I love my employees, even thought I hit one of you with my car. For which I take full responsibility. Look I'm just trying to take everybody's mind off of this unavoidable tragedy, and onto more positive things. So I thought we should plant a tree.
Jim: Oh good, so we don't have to work.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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