If I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob, I can pretty much sell anything.

Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won't notice?

Jim: Meredith Van Helsing?
Dwight: Van Helsing was a respected professor before he was a vampire killer.
Jim: Okay, but what is he more famous for?

Dwight: Who is this "the Steve Nash"?
Jim: Phoenix Suns point guard...nothing?
Dwight: No, Mr. jock hipster.
Jim: Well I'm neither of those things so...

Jim: We're never leaving the house again.
Pam: Not together!

Dwight: I see you found our magical toy box Jim.
Jim: These are actually forks and knives from the break room.
Dwight: Jim (laughs), to you and me maybe, but come on. To a child's imagination, that's Mr. Fork and Lieutenant Knife...and Miss Fork.

Dwight: Bigger the key chain, more powerful the man.
Jim: That's right...janitor said that.

Hey, Dwight I don't know if you've heard, but we're supposed to be drinking out of weird back packs instead of cups like regular people...oh you did hear.

Jim: Sorry ... you like heart-shaped jewelry, right?
Pam: No ...except for the pendant you got me, I love that.

Michael: Hi! Sorry, to interrupt, a little time sensitive. [to Donna] Do you, Donna, by any chance happen to shop at Victoria Secret?
Jim Halpert: What?
Michael: Because I keep getting these magazines sent to me via the address of the woman who used to live in my condo before me?
Jim: None of this is time sensitive.
Michael: Uh, yes. Uh, the sale is on now through May.

Jim: Alright so I'll finish up on bulk pricing and then you go into delivery guarantee.
Pam: You know maybe there's an opportunity for a joke there. Like um, like, "I just delivered a baby. They didn't offer me a guarantee!"
Jim: Yeah or maybe we don't even need that.

Oscar: I don't see how we can possibly sell these for that little without losing money. Delivery alone will cost-
Michael: Okay, well sometimes, sometimes, it makes financial sense to lose money, right? Like for tax purposes?
Oscar: Actually, I ran the numbers on this, and in this case, it makes financial sense to gain ... money?
Michael: Why don't you run them again.
Jim: What if she's just flirting with you to get a better price.
Michael: If she is it's working.

Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 442 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

If onlys and justs were candies and nuts, then everyday would be un de donkfest!

Dwight
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