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Michael: Right here, we have the wonder twins, Jim and Pam Halpert. They will be assisting you today.
Donna: You look exactly alike!
Pam: Oh, no! We're actually married, we're not brother and sister.
Donna: I have a sense about these things.
Jim: Alright!
Donna: You have some ancestors in common... somewhere back!
Angela: I knew it! You should see their baby.

Pam: You can flirt with someone to get what you want and also be attracted to them. How do you think we got together?
Jim: 'Cause I stopped by your desk 15 times a day.
Pam: I was after your money.
Jim: Well the joke was on you.
Pam: Yes it was.

Jim: What's up?
Dwight: Milk is coming in, she's getting uncomfortable.
Jim: Dwight, don't be gross.
Pam: No, no he's right.
Dwight: Same things happens to my cows if I don't tend them frequently enough. You gotta milk 'em. Or else they'll moo like crazy.

I gotta tell you this baby is amazing... She ... gets me out of everything... And I... and I love her. I also love her very much.

Jim: Do you wanna just make a run for it?
Pam: Maybe.
Kevin: [walks by, starts screaming into Pam's chest] Wahhhhhhhh! Wahhhhh! Mammyyyyy!
Jim: What is happening?

Michael: Oh, wow. I cannot believe this is happening. It's everything I dreamed. Oh my God!
Jim: Easy.
Michael: It's not a birthday, it's not a good-bye party ...
Jim: Oh hey, Pam and I are gonna go play pool with one of her friends. And we need a fourth.
Michael: Sucks to be youuuu!
Jim: [pause] Would you like to be our fourth.
Michael: That would be sublime.

Michael: I'm trying to make your kids, respect you. Because, a father needs to respect his boss. And kids don't respect the father who doesn't respect the boss. Do you understand that line of logic?
Jim: I don't think you even understand it.
Michael: I do understand it.

Having a baby is exhausting - having two babies, now that's just mean.

Jim: Who's that?
Michael: Captain Jack Sparrow - Captain Jack Sparrow Jim!

Dwight: What the hell is this? This is not Megadesk.
Jim: Oh! No, it's not. They call it Quad-desk.
Dwight: That's ridiculous, this is made up of three desks.
Jim: Oh my God. We're gonna have to rename it then aren't we.

Dwight: I'll tell you what happened to me. I didn't see my father for the first two years of my life. I thought my mother was my father, and my wet nurse was my mother.
Jim: Well that's a common mistake.
Dwight: Turned out fine for me. But Mose. Same story... Different. Ending.

Dwight: Ah, that baby is just discovering the whole wide world right now.
Jim: It's pretty amazing.
Dwight: What up is, what down is, who mom is. Who dad is. It must be tough being here with all that going on.
Jim: Oh it's tough being here for a lot of reasons.
Dwight: I mean, you're here at work, the baby thinks that the refrigerator is its father.
Jim: Is that what happened to you?

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 442 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael