Jim: Once a year Dwight holds a seminar for us on karate. Because one thing we know that thousand-year-old martial arts do each year is ... change.• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: In everyone's defense I think the most worthy opponent of you is ... you.
Dwight: That is correct. Unless there happen to be measles present.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 6.0 / 10 • Permalink
Michael: And then, I think I am going to go to the garlic festival.
Jim: Wow.
Michael: Sounds like fun. You guys would love it. They have a TCBY booth! Same stuff you get downtown. Do you like TCBY?
Jim: Who doesn't?
Michael: "I can't believe it's... I can't believe it's yogurt."
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Darryl: You're not as scary as Bookface over there.
Jim: Yes. I am the popular social networking site known as Bookface.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Oscar: Jim, did Michael fall into a koi pond?
Jim: Mmmmm... it's like Michael said, it was, um... something else.
Michael: It was ... okay, this is what it was. It was these bunch of idiots who put a fish tank in the ground with no cover, and no railing.
Angela: So you fell in.
Michael: No, maybe I was trying to save a child that had fallen in.
Angela: So a child had fallen in?
Michael: Not yet.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Any messages?
Erin: You're soaking wet.
Michael: Jim and I got caught in a little flash... rain. Flash winds, flash lightning.
Phyllis: Wow. Sounds scary.
Michael: It was. It was. And then in an instant, it wasn't!
Angela: Why isn't Jim wet?
Jim: I... outran it.
Meredith: I don't think it rained. My hip would be throbbing.
Michael: It rained.
Dwight: Michael, can I get you something? A towel, some cocoa?
Michael Scott: Nothing. Cocoa.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: Truthfully, it wasn't the way he fell in, it was... how long it took him to get out.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: Oh, so Dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift. I found a recording device in it. Yes. So. I think if I play it just right, I can get Dwight to live out the plot of National Treasure.
Pam: You need to be more upset about this. She's your mother too now. Your mother is sleeping with Michael Scott.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Pam: Maybe I'm overreacting.
Jim: Yeah. Maybe.
Pam: But I don't think I am.
Jim: You're not. No.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Toby: Hey Jim!
Jim: Not now Toby! My God!
Michael: Get the hell out of here, idiot.
Toby: [walking away] What did I do?
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 351
