Michael: You know what eats a large amount of the day? Naps. You go to sleep it's light out, you wake up it's dark. That's the whole day. Where did that day go? I have no idea.Jim: You mean on a weekend.
Michael: [pause] Yes.
• Show: The Office • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets.
Michael: Mmm. Well to be fair, Jim... James. Jimothy? [Jim nods] To be fair, Jimothy, ah that sounds weird. Are you okay with being called Jim?
Jim: I am.
Michael: Alright. Jim, to be fair, the conversation wasn't about planets. At first we were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon? So you draw a line from there to the other planets... and I think by the end we learned a little bit about how small we are.
Jim: Yes, I agree, and-
Michael: Because it's a big universe and we're all just little tiny specks, of dust.
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Jim: I tried to keep Michael in the dark. I should have realized he can do just as much damage in the dark.
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Jim: I didn't tell Michael because I thought he'd try to help. Example: He handed out jello shots at the 23rd mile of the Steamtown Marathon.
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Michael: [talking loudly on cell phone] Uh huh, well if he doesn't like it, he can tell that SOB that he is fired. Sorry I'm going into a meeting right now. I love you too. Bye.
Jim: Who was that?
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Jim: This is parkour. Internet sensation of 2004. And it was in one of the Bond films. It's pretty impressive. The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible so technically they are doing parkour, as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Pam: We haven't told anyone that I'm pregnant.
Jim: Well with her being unmarried. Knocked up by some guy... The yackety yacks in this office would have a field day.
Pam: And we don't want them at the wedding thinking Jim's being marched down the aisle by my dad with a shotgun.
Jim: Wait there's not going to be a shotgun?
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Michael: Did you pee on a stick?
Jim: I did. It was inconclusive.
• Show: The Office • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Michael: The one true rumor ... and this it going to ruin this person's life, is that-
Jim: Pam's pregnant!
Kevin: I knew it! At first, I thought, 'Oh, Pam's breasts are a little bit bigger. She must have gotten a new bra with padding. But then I thought, Pam doesn't NEED padding.' It just didn't add up, Jim.
Jim: Okay. Thanks.
Dwight: Who's the father?
Pam: Jim.
Creed: Who's the OB-GYN?
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Jim: You gotta figure this out.
Andy: How?
Jim: Have sex with a woman.
Andy: Oh, yeah!
Jim: Then a man. Then compare.
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Total Quotes: 351
