Joey Tribbiani Quotes
Joey: Haven't you ever gotten beat up before?
Ross: Yeah.
Joey: I mean, by someone besides Monica.
Ross: No.
Joey: Hey Monica, why are we watching the business channel?
Monica: 'Cause I was going by it the other day and I saw that there was a stock with my initials, MEG, on it and, well, sometimes I have to watch for two or three hours before it comes up again but when it does, it's pretty exciting.
Rachel: Okay honey, you really need a job.
(In a deep, scratchy voice) Uh, hello Miss Buffay. I know where your dog is. I want you to know that he'll be returned to you, almost as good as new, within, within 24 hours. Uh, goodbye.
Monica: (On the phone) Time is money, my friend! Whoo!
Rachel: "Time is money, my friend?"
Joey: Yeah, you missed, "Takes money to make money," and, "Don't make me come down there and kick your Wall Street butt."
Monica: Hey, I made $17 before breakfast. What have you done?
Joey: Well, I had breakfast here, so technically I just saved $3.50.
Joey: Monica. Relax. Go get a beer.
Monica: I don't want a beer!
Joey: Who said it was for you?
Joey: (Wearing an old-looking hat) Hey.
Monica: Hey.
Rachel: Hey. Well, look at you, finally got that time machine working, huh?
Joey: Seriously, you like it? This guy was selling them on 8th avenue and I looked at them and I though, you know what I don't have?
Monica: A mirror?
Joey: Fine, make fun. I think it's jaunty.
Ross: You spent $1200 dollars on a plastic bird?
Joey: Uh, I was an impulse buyer, near the register.
Joey: It's my VISA bill. Envelope one of two. That can't be good.
Ross: Open it, open it.
Joey: Oh, my God.
Ross: Woah.
Joey: Look at this, how did I spend so much money?
Ross: Uh Joey, that's just the minimum amount due. That's your total due.
Ross: (About Rachel's book) I, I don't know, it's got all this stuff about wind and trees and there's some kind of sacred pool in it. I mean, I don't really get it but she's, she's pretty upset about it.
Joey: See, this is why I don't date women who read.
Joey: Anybody want a cruller?
Phoebe: Okay, this is a typical lightning-bearer thing. Right there. It's like, "Hello. Who wants one of my phallic-shaped man-cakes?"
Joey: Who've you been dating?
Chandler: So, you want me to help you unpack your stuff?
Joey: No, no, I'm okay. Oh and, uh, just so you know, I'm not moving back in because I have to. Well, I mean, I do have to. It's just that that place wasn't really, I mean, this is...
Chandler: Welcome home, man.
Rachel: (About Joey's Days of Our Lives character) Well, maybe they can find a way to bring you back.
Joey: Nah, they said that when they found my body, my brain was so smashed in that the only doctor that could have saved me was me. Supposed to be some kind of irony or something.
