Jordan Sullivan Quotes
Dr. Cox: Remind me again why you're having our son baptized?
Jordan: Oh, what do you care? You're not even going!
Dr. Cox: Fine, let him go to church. I mean, I let him go to magic shows. I'll just tell him it's all a lie when he gets home so he doesn't have any of those crazy nightmares.
Elliot: My high school boyfriend's an accountant now, and he still does my taxes for free.
Jordan: Mm-hmm.
Elliot: You know what's weird? He also does my brother Barry's.
Dr. Kelso: My son, Harrison, dabbles in sado-masochism and he has a new gimp named Barry. Or is it Larry? At my age, it's getting harder and harder to keep track of his gimps.
Jordan: Oh, I'm sorry sweetie! I didn't know you'd be so upset! I'll call her and tell her not to come! (Laughs) How weird would it be, if I was like that!
Carla: Totally!
Jordan: Helping someone move is like oral sex: you do it once and then they owe you for life!
Can you two please just try to get along? Now I'm getting some blush for Jack, because this lace collar is washing out his face. Terrible.
Carla: If money is so tight, why not have Jake move in with you?
Jordan: Who's Jake?
Dr. Cox: Jordan! ...No!
Elliot: He's this guy that I've been going out with for a while, but we're not ready to move in. He's a little closed-off, you know?
Jordan: Uh, sweetie, are you aware of who I live with?
Patient: See, a few years ago I had some business problems..
Jordan: What was your business?
Patient: Import/Export. Yeah, I would import heroin in my bloodstream, I would export vomit and urine in whatever alley would have me as a guest. (laughs)
Jordan: Oh, sorry.. that's the little smile I get when I'm silently judging someone.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, now that you work here every day, if the carpool torturing persists -
Jordan: Right.
Dr. Cox: ... I'm gonna put a plexiglass separator right down the middle of the car so you can't drive me crazy. You can't, you can't, you can't! Heh. Unfortunately, your door handle doesn't work from the inside, which simply means that if we're in a fiery crash, you won't be able to get out. However, that's a risk I'm sure willing to take.
Dr. Cox: For the love of G-d, the only respite I get from you is when we're making love and I pretend you're someone else!
Jordan: Yeah.. I usually pretend we're doing something else!
Dr. Cox: I have been waiting for an hour!
Jordan: I know.. I was leafing through a magazine and watching you on the security cameras. My favorite is when you said "screw her!", then you stormed out, but then you came back, cause you realized that I have the keys!
Jordan: So I hear you and the wife are trying for a boy. Little tip: The night that Perry and I conceived Jack, he was on top, it was about three days before my ovulation...yeah. Oh, and he was choking me. Gagh! Ah, it was good.
Mr. Thompson: Hey! If you feel like talking, I've got a dandy conversation starter: I have had someone else's fingers in four - count 'em, four - different orifices today.
Jordan: Oh! Must be your birthday.
