Mondays 9:00 PM on CBS
Mike-and-molly

Mike: Have you heard from Molly?
Joyce: I'm sure everything's fine. We left her with Victoria.
Mike: No disrespect Mrs. Flynn, but those two sentences don't go together.

Molly: That reminds me, make sure Victoria wears a bra tomorrow.
Joyce: I'll try, but it's like trying to keep a hat on a dog.

Peggy [pointing Molly out to male stripper]:There's the ringleader, and she's been a bad bad girl.
Joyce: I've been worse.
Victoria: I'm hiding drugs, and I don't have pockets.

Mike: Wait, you mean she's acted like this before?
Joyce: Prom, senior picture day, and one god awful summer when she decided to master the accordion.

Joyce: Remember when I took you kids to the circus, and we saw that big bear on a unicycle?
Molly: Yeah...what does that have to do with anything?
Joyce: Beats me. It just popped into my head.

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