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Jules: Oh my god Laurie, your butt looks amazing in those jeans.
Sheila: Goodbye Ellen.
Jules: I'm gonna be Portia.

You need to get your crazy ass out of my office right now or I'm gonna call plaza security and they're gonna roller blade in.. in like 40 minutes.

Sheila: Why do you have a post-it that says "I'm awesome?"
Jules: Because I am.

Ellie: We are not friends, human beings cannot be friends with chimps
Bobby: Sure they can. My buddy Daryl was best friends with his chimp, Binky.
Jules: It's true. Until Binky turned six and then he get angry one day and ripped of Daryl's arm.
Bobby: They're still friends, they're just not best friends.

Travis, we'll never be even. Want to see the scar from the Cesarean section? There's a hair growing in it now.

Jules: Oh my god, that bag is soaked with grease. I'm telling you right now, i don't care what's in it, I'm eating it.
Travis: It's a human head.
Jules: If it's deep fried, I'm still in.

Jules: When you act like you don't want to talk to me, it just makes me want to talk to you even more.
Grayson: That may be the world's most annoying personality trait.

Grayson: When women get older, it's icky. When men get older, it's adorable. It's my favorite double standard.
Jules: Yeah, I'm not a huge fan.

Jules: If you're not going to talk to me, why'd you come back to my house?
Ellie: Cause I'm wet and I know you just recovered your couch.

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