Jules: Andy let the ice cream melt so he had to die.
Ellie: It's only pretend murder. We used to fight so much about the little things, now, whenever I get so mad that when I want to kill him I just do it.
Andy: It's been a great tool in our marriage

Grayson: I thought you wanted to do all the talking?
Jules: Speechless.

When it comes to love I'm a street rapping poet yo.

Jules: Sweetie, this should be the gang.
Ellie: It totally should.

Nothing on two legs should walk that loud.

Hey fellas, I'm trying to talk to my man so could you take that thrashing down to the park?

Jules: All I want to do is make you happy.
Grayson: Really? Maybe tonight we'll..
Jules: ... it's not about sex, babe. But I want you to try to keep listening.
Grayson: I'll try my best.

I hope I NEVER pee this out!

I don't believe in ghosts, because if they were real I'd like to think that I would be felt up all the time.

Tom is our interhouse-shuttle. I pay him with head pats.

Stop being a parade rainer-onner. We're taking a group vacation!

Jules: This is the first time on this trip it's been just the ladies.
Ellie: It's an embarrassment of bitches.

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Ellie, I saw Andy's feet...I'm so sorry.
Ellie: No one understands.

Take OFF the mom goggles!

Laurie