South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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What the hell? What the f--k is this?
(Mumbling as two more speeders fly by and bomb him to bits; then the rats converge on him.)

Sheila Brovflofski: Kyle and Ike, be safe, and Kenny, try to act Jewish.
Kenny: (muffled) How do you do that?

Kyle: Mom? Can Kenny go to Jewbilee with me?
Sheila: Uh well, Kyle, Jewbilee is sort of a special thing.
Kyle: Oh. Kenny isn't special?
Kenny: (Aw.)
Sheila: No, no, you're very special, Kenny. It's just that well, Jewbilee is for Jewish kids.
Gerald: You see boys, Jew Scouts is a special group that borrows a little bit from all different Jewish denominations. From the Orthodox Jews, from the Hasidic Jews, from the Northern Italy Cave Jews But you have to believe the basic tenets of Judaism to be a Scout.
Kyle: Kenny'll believe whatever you want him to.
Kenny: (Yeah.)

Stan: Is this what you're looking for, Kyle?
Kyle: No, I don't think so.
Kenny(muffled): How 'bout this?
Kyle: No, that's a hairdryer!
Store Clerk: Can I help you find something?
Kyle: Yeah, do you have any nerections?
Store Clerk: Any what?
Kyle: I need to get a nerection for my dad.
Store Clerk: Very funny, boys. Go on, beat it.
Stan: Why is that funny?
Kyle: Dude, my mom and dad keep fighting all the time. And I heard them say it's because my dad doesn't have a nerection. So, I wanna get him one.
(The scene changes, and they're outside)
Kyle: Damn it, what the hell is wrong with everybody?!
Stan: That's the fifth store we've been kicked out of; why's it so hard to get a nerection?
Kenny(muffled): I know, it's f**kin' bullshit!
Kyle: I just wanna get a nerection so I can give it to my mom.
Random man on street: What?

Cartman: So,are you going to see your girlfriend again?
Kenny: No, dude seriously.

(muffled) My name is Kenny Kenny no Kenny.

</i> Kenny

Dr. Doctor: Team B? Come in, Team B.
Kenny: (muffled) This is Team B.
Dr. Doctor: Listen, Team B. We've found another path to the generator. There's actually a nice heated walkway to it. So you don't need to walk through all that sewage.
Kenny: (muffled) Are you f*cking telling me that I could've f*cking gone that way?!
Dr. Doctor: Oh. Well, forget I said that, then.

Chef: (after lights come back on) Is everybody okay?? That sounded like a gunshot!
Officer Barbrady: Oh, my god! Look!
(Everybody sees Mephesto's body, which has been shot at.)
Kenny: (mumbling) Oh my god, they killed Mephesto!
Kyle: You bastard!

Dr. Doctor: We must split up into two teams: Team A and Team B. Team A will consist of myself, Stan, Kyle, Eric, Chef, and Nurse Goodly. Team B will consist of Kenny. Now, listen closely, Team B. Your goal will be to turn on the backup generator. To do this you must brave the storm outside and get into this sewage duct. Meanwhile, Team A will go to the holding area, here where there is a television, and some cocoa. We will drink the cocoa and watch family programming until Team B makes it through the sewage duct. By that time, Team B, remember that's you Kenny, should reach the outer core of the generator. It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the top, and there could be velociraptors here. Once you reach the top, you should be able to get a clear view from this window of us drinking cocoa and watching television. Then, you could proceed down into the generator, and power it on. Are there any questions?
Cartman: No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.
Dr. Doctor: Great, then, let's do it. Go, Team!
Kenny: (muffled) Huh?

Stan: Good job Cartman, You killed Kyle.
Kenny: (muffled) You bastard!
Cartman: He shouldn't have called me fat.
Stan: Why the hell not, that's like calling the sky blue.

Cartman: Don't worry, Tweek. Your family can go on welfare. Kenny's family's on welfare and they're happy, isn't that right, Kenny?
Kenny: (muffled) F**K you!

Mr. McCormick: Kenny, wasn't that your fat, racist, foul-mouthed friend Eric Cartman?
Kenny: Mmm, Hmm.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 48 in total

South Park Quotes

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation, this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

</i> Cartman

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron. James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron!

James Cameron