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South-park

Kenny: (muffled) Oh my god! They killed Cartman!
Kyle: No, we didn't kill him; he's still breathing!

(Cartman is sitting on Kenny)
Cartman: Cartman Von Cartman has ways of making you talk! (Farts)
Kenny: Aaah!

Cartman: You have rats in your house, too, Kenny?
Kenny: Mm-hmm.
Cartman: Seriously, you better stop being so poor or else I'm gonna start huckin' rocks at you.
Kenny: Well maybe if we get a f**king roof, we won't have rats.
Stan: Oh.

That ain't why, Stuart! It's because you are an alcoholic retard and he has dreams of not eating frozen waffles for dinner every night!

Mrs. McCormick

Mr. McCormick: Hey! Is it my fault you don't know how to cook!
Mrs. McCormick: What am I supposed to do with frozen waffles, clamhead, you put 'em in the toaster and you cook 'em.
Mr. McCormick: You just don't know how to use spices and stuff.

(saying grace) Lord, we thank you for this staggering payload of frozen waffles you have bestowed upon us. And since we have been faithful to you, we know you will send us some good fortune, one of these days, even though you sure as hell seem to be taking your sweet time. Amen.

Mr. McCormick

Cartman: (while at Kenny's house) Where is the Nintendo?
Mr. McCormick: We don't have a Nintendo. We got a Coleco Vision plugged into the black and white TV.
Kyle: Oh my God, this is like a third-world country.

Kyle: (to Chef) Hey, are you come to Ike's bris this weekend?
Chef: Oh, hell no! I can't bear to see that!
Stan: What do you mean?
Chef: Don't you boys know what a bris is?? They're going to circumcise him!
Cartman: Eh, what's that?
Chef: (to himself) Oh, boy. Here we go again (to the boys) Children, uh What's the one thing that's more sacred to a man than anything else in the world?
Stan: Uh, bicycles?
Cartman: Ham?
Kyle: No, not ham, you fat ****!
Cartman: (to Kyle) Screw you! (to Chef) It's ham, isn't it?
Chef: No no no, children. I'm talking about the most important part of a man's body.
Kyle: Uh, your heart?
Stan: Your eyes!
(Chef puts his hand on his head.)
Kenny: (muffled) I know! Your penis!
Chef: That's right!
Cartman: Hey! My mom says you're not supposed to call it a penis, Kenny! You're supposed to call it a fireman!
Chef: A fireman??
Cartman: That's the proper way to say it, or else you'll get a spanking!
Chef: (gets into car) Damn it, children! Why do I always have to be the one to explain all of this stuff to you? Ask your parents for once!
Kyle: Hey, wait!
(Chef drives off.)
Stan: (to Kenny) Dude, something tells me this "bris" thing isn't good!

(Gun fires at Kenny)
Stan: Oh my God, they've killed-!
Kenny: Mrph, mrph umph umly umh maphet (Oh, it was only my jacket.)
Stan: God dammit!

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