South Park

Kenny McCormick Quotes (Page 5)

Kyle: (to Chef) Hey, are you come to Ike's bris this weekend?
Chef: Oh, hell no! I can't bear to see that!
Stan: What do you mean?
Chef: Don't you boys know what a bris is?? They're going to circumcise him!
Cartman: Eh, what's that?
Chef: (to himself) Oh, boy. Here we go again (to the boys) Children, uh What's the one thing that's more sacred to a man than anything else in the world?
Stan: Uh, bicycles?
Cartman: Ham?
Kyle: No, not ham, you fat ****!
Cartman: (to Kyle) Screw you! (to Chef) It's ham, isn't it?
Chef: No no no, children. I'm talking about the most important part of a man's body.
Kyle: Uh, your heart?
Stan: Your eyes!
(Chef puts his hand on his head.)
Kenny: (muffled) I know! Your penis!
Chef: That's right!
Cartman: Hey! My mom says you're not supposed to call it a penis, Kenny! You're supposed to call it a fireman!
Chef: A fireman??
Cartman: That's the proper way to say it, or else you'll get a spanking!
Chef: (gets into car) Damn it, children! Why do I always have to be the one to explain all of this stuff to you? Ask your parents for once!
Kyle: Hey, wait!
(Chef drives off.)
Stan: (to Kenny) Dude, something tells me this "bris" thing isn't good!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Gun fires at Kenny)
Stan: Oh my God, they've killed-!
Kenny: Mrph, mrph umph umly umh maphet (Oh, it was only my jacket.)
Stan: God dammit!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Sir, could you step out of the car, please?
Mr. McCormick: We're fine, officer.
Cartman: Anduuh who's, who's in here with you?
Mr. McCormick: Just me and my wife and my brother. And my wife's cousin and his son and my brother's girlfriend and our two kids-
Kenny: (muffled) Hi, Cartman.
Mr. McCormick: -and my brother's girlfriend's mother, and this guy Bob who I met last year.
Cartman: (to the camera) Poor people tend to live in clusters.
Mr. McCormick: What? What did you say?
Cartman: Nothing- now, sir, is there some kind of uh-
Mrs. McCormick: I want him out of my house! He ain't worth a s(beep)t! He can't even hold a f(beep)kin' job!
Mr. McCormick: Shut up, bitch!
Cartman: Okay okay, let's try to watch the language: there's children present heuh.
Mrs. McCormick: He is a lazy-ass motherf(beep)ker!
Mr. McCormick: Look what she did to my f(beep)kin' eye.
Mrs. McCormick: I'll do it again!!
(Mrs. McCormick kicks him in the ass and continues hitting him. Kenny just laughs at the sight)
Kevin: Eh-Mom hit Dad again!
(Kenny and Kevin then continue laughing at them)
Cartman: Now, the first thing to do in domestic disturbance calls like this one is to just calm everybody down. Respect my authoritah!
(Cartman jumps up and knocks Mrs. McCormick down, then Mr. McCormick. He then concentrates on Mr. McCormick)
Kenny: (muffled) God-dammit, Cartman!
Mr. McCormick: Aagh!
 • Rating: Unrated

Chef: (after lights come back on) Is everybody okay?? That sounded like a gunshot!
Officer Barbrady: Oh, my god! Look!
(Everybody sees Mephesto's body, which has been shot at.)
Kenny: (mumbling) Oh my god, they killed Mephesto!
Kyle: You bastard!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dr. Doctor: We must split up into two teams: Team A and Team B. Team A will consist of myself, Stan, Kyle, Eric, Chef, and Nurse Goodly. Team B will consist of Kenny. Now, listen closely, Team B. Your goal will be to turn on the backup generator. To do this you must brave the storm outside and get into this sewage duct. Meanwhile, Team A will go to the holding area, here where there is a television, and some cocoa. We will drink the cocoa and watch family programming until Team B makes it through the sewage duct. By that time, Team B, remember that's you Kenny, should reach the outer core of the generator. It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the top, and there could be velociraptors here. Once you reach the top, you should be able to get a clear view from this window of us drinking cocoa and watching television. Then, you could proceed down into the generator, and power it on. Are there any questions?
Cartman: No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.
Dr. Doctor: Great, then, let's do it. Go, Team!
Kenny: (muffled) Huh?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Doctor: Team B? Come in, Team B.
Kenny: (muffled) This is Team B.
Dr. Doctor: Listen, Team B. We've found another path to the generator. There's actually a nice heated walkway to it. So you don't need to walk through all that sewage.
Kenny: (muffled) Are you f*cking telling me that I could've f*cking gone that way?!
Dr. Doctor: Oh. Well, forget I said that, then.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kyle: The next time Shelly is going to hit you tell her: "Shelly, you're my sister and I love you."
Kenny: And I want to take off your bra.
Stan: Sick dude! She's my sister.
Kyle: Try it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Holy crap! Wendy wants to meet me at Stark's Pond after school today.
Kyle: Wow. Maybe you can kiss her.
Cartman: Or slip her the tongue.
Kenny: (muffled) Maybe you can touch her p***y.
Stan: What? How do you know she has a cat?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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