Eastbound & Down

Sundays 10:30 PM on HBO
Eastbound and down
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It's no mystery that ass has always been tits' greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass.

If there's one thing I hate it's losing. If there's two things I hate it's losing and getting cancer.

So as I was saying, the amount of money I am gonna be making would hurt your parents feelings. You remember the class where I taught you all how to make it rain? That's what I'm gonna be doing every single night - dolla, dolla bills, y'all...

Sometimes you gotta wash away the paint, and reveal to the world the jackass that is hiding beneath.

I don't know what's going on, man. I'm just all jammed up inside. Lost my abilities. Been stripped of all of my god-given talents. Including the talents to be able to have sex with any woman I choose, or throw a f*cking ball fast, or to not prematurely come in my pants. Sometimes I just don't even know which one hurts the most. I'm ashamed of myself.

I mean, no offense, but you got a sh*tty job, you're not quite as tall as me, nobody really respects you. You have me on the other hand. I got the glory, I got the fame, the money, the jewels, the cash, the Denali. Getting drunk on the reg, f*cking good times on the reg, yachts on the reg, sex on the reg... Basically all the sh*t that most guys fantasize about.

Terrence: You want a smoothie?
Kenny: No, I'm straight.

(To Rose) I'm sorry we didn't get a lot of time to hang out. I'll be honest with you, sometimes I forgot you even existed.

Kenny: I thought Ashley Schaeffer was gonna be a woman.
Ashley: I love women, so I'll take that as a compliment.

A lot of people ask me, 'Kenny Powers, you're a giant superstar. You can get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?' And the answer is yes, I have. Several times, in fact. And it's actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything and sometimes, even just kind of do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument.

Sometimes being on the mend can get old real quick. Like when you're doing all this awesome sh*t to show motherf*ckers that you're cool now. And one day, you realize that maybe the person you are truly trying to fix yourself for has moved the f*ck on. And there you are, left in the midst of a battle, that suddenly means nothing.

No, I was using an alias. Steve to me, just kinda seems like the name of somebody who has absolutely nothing going on in their life.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 98 in total

Eastbound & Down Quotes

Down there I fought and fucked my way to being the greatest gringo that country has ever seen.

Kenny

It's better to be strangled by a necklace of Mexicans than to be strangled by no one.

Kenny