Sundays 10:30 PM on HBO
Eastbound-and-down

I brought you guys up from less than f*ckin' nothin', and took you up to a championship level, only to abandon you there... leave you high and dry, naked and nude, prey, easy targets for the competitions, to rape and buttf*ck you. I'm sorry for that.

Let's face it guys, after midnight, this whole f*cking place turns into a pumpkin, and you guys all turn back into mice. This is a classic Cinderella tale here. You know, Peter Pan will no longer be a man, he'll turn into a real boy. George Washington will never be able to cut down the beanstalk. You guys will eventually just go back to bein' the sh*ttiest Mexican baseball team in Mexico.

Purity - it's what we all desire, and it is what I've come here to share with you. Hence the all whites.

We can do some f*cking great things tonight, you guys. Follow me. Walk with me out on to that field. And when you do, you will f*cking put your ass out, and you raise your f*cking head up. Know that you'll never, ever... ever reach the heights that you're gonna reach tonight. But you can leave here knowing that you helped Kenny Powers' dreams come tru... For a bunch of Mexican baseball players, that ain't too bad.

Chapter 17. Done, and f*ckin' done. Just like that, the journey is over... depression is finished, and you're on your way back to the world of the living, smiling, regular people... The road has been paved with d*ckheads, backstabbers, and pains in the f*ckin' ass... but memories were made, allies were had, pole smokers were toppled, and the truth was discovered.

I paid cash for the motherf*cker. Bought it with an advance that I was paid for this, uh... self help novel I'm about to have published onto the Oprah's book clubs... Pretty much saved all my pennies from my major league days. Invested a lot of it very wisely in stocks, bonds, famous works of arts.

Yeah, I've actually had multiple orgasms on jet skis. Maybe it's something in our blood that we can just ya know, get hard from riding f*ckin badass ya know, terrain vehicles... water crafts...

Truth be told, things aren't going as good for me as I led on to believe. The love of my life married some other dude, and my new girlfriend fed her pussy to the owner of the baseball team I just quit. I stole homeboy's car, and now I'm probably a wanted fugitive.

Kenny Powers: I got two hard rules I live by, pop: I don't f*ck with the devil, and I never do tag teams with blood relatives.

The good thing about getting over depression is... well... you can start to see your enemies more clearly. Suddenly, everyone isn't an obstacle, just some people are... And it might be someone that you find is in your bloodline, distant and as brown as their skin can be, they still are part of you.

Why would you do this to me? Here this whole time I thought you were the whore with a heart of gold. Instead you're just a whore with a real whore's heart.

If you've got something you want to say, then just say it. You can save us alot of time with this f*ckin pointless history lesson in this goddamn creepy, uninmpressive, f*ckin hall. I don't like it in here. It's gross.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 98 in total

Eastbound & Down Quotes

Down there I fought and fucked my way to being the greatest gringo that country has ever seen.

Kenny

It's better to be strangled by a necklace of Mexicans than to be strangled by no one.

Kenny
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