Kevin Malone Quotes
Just because Jo, has no life, does not mean that the rest of us don't have lives. Oscar, has a life. I think Ryan has a life. This is outrageous.
Kevin: I've done better than Erin! Lynn was hotter than Erin... Michael, you dated Holly and Jan and they were so much hotter than you.
Michael: That is debatable. And I have a personality.
Kevin: Maybe we should cut holes in her shirt.
Meredith: I have a shirt like that in my car.
I cooked my way through Julia Child's cookbook. And now I'm halfway through the Twilight cookbook.
Just 'cause you have liquid, that doesn't make it a toast.
Michael: What would you like for Christmas little boy?
Kevin: I don't know. I didn't know you were gonna ask me that.
Michael: What did you think was going to happen?
Kevin: I didn't know. Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before.
Michael: All right, just say "some toys" please.
Kevin: Can you give me some choices? Cause I really don't want to mess up on this list.
Michael: Damn it Kevin, come on.
Kevin: What about if I tell you the things I DON'T want?
Michael: Okay get off, get off! Oh! Oh, God!
Kevin: I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted!
Michael: Okay you know what you get? A thousand helium balloons attached to you so Santa doesn't have to go through this again.
Pam: Don't do the twirl.
Phyllis: Lose the twril.
Dwight: Twirl sucks!
Kevin: Michael, I hated the twirl.
Andy: Hate the twirl!
Michael: Okay, obviously I'm not going to do the twirl. I only did it because I nailed the wave.
Phyllis: Yeah, good. Don't do it.
Kevin: Oooh, now do the Swedish chef!
Andy: I'm not familiar, what province is he from?
Kevin: He lives on Sesame Street, you dumbass.
Kevin: Michael, did you just throw up in here?
Michael: Nah. Just poopin'. You know how I be.
Kevin: It smells like throw-up in here.
Michael: Crazy world. Lot of smells.
Dwight: Somebody attack me. Kevin, Go!
Kevin: No WAY. Last time, you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.
Dwight: False. I DID choke you with your shoelace.
Michael: Who here has been the but of a joke that has gone too far? Phyllis.
Phyllis: Michael you make fun of us everyday.
Kevin: Yeah. Every single day.
Michael: Uh, you never said anything.
Meredith: Uh, we have. Countless times.
Michael: Well it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying "Stop! Because I want you to stop" and "Stop!" as in "Stop you're making making me laugh so hard. What you're doing is so funny. You are on a roll I am a busting a gut. Stoppp!"
Angela: That's never been the case.
Erin: Uh, David Wallace called.
Michael: Oh he did, what did he say?
Erin: He heard you made a big splash, at the meeting, oh my God that was so mean what I just said and I didn't mean it. It was Kevin and Meredith that put me up to it.
Kevin: I'm gonna kill you.