Just because Jo, has no life, does not mean that the rest of us don't have lives. Oscar, has a life. I think Ryan has a life. This is outrageous.

Kevin: I've done better than Erin! Lynn was hotter than Erin... Michael, you dated Holly and Jan and they were so much hotter than you.
Michael: That is debatable. And I have a personality.

Kevin: Maybe we should cut holes in her shirt.
Meredith: I have a shirt like that in my car.

I cooked my way through Julia Child's cookbook. And now I'm halfway through the Twilight cookbook.

Just 'cause you have liquid, that doesn't make it a toast.

Michael: What would you like for Christmas little boy?
Kevin: I don't know. I didn't know you were gonna ask me that.
Michael: What did you think was going to happen?
Kevin: I didn't know. Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before.
Michael: All right, just say "some toys" please.
Kevin: Can you give me some choices? Cause I really don't want to mess up on this list.
Michael: Damn it Kevin, come on.
Kevin: What about if I tell you the things I DON'T want?
Michael: Okay get off, get off! Oh! Oh, God!
Kevin: I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted!
Michael: Okay you know what you get? A thousand helium balloons attached to you so Santa doesn't have to go through this again.
Kevin: Awesome.

Pam: Don't do the twirl.
Phyllis: Lose the twril.
Dwight: Twirl sucks!
Kevin: Michael, I hated the twirl.
Andy: Hate the twirl!
Michael: Okay, obviously I'm not going to do the twirl. I only did it because I nailed the wave.
Phyllis: Yeah, good. Don't do it.

Kevin: Oooh, now do the Swedish chef!
Andy: I'm not familiar, what province is he from?
Kevin: He lives on Sesame Street, you dumbass.

Kevin: Michael, did you just throw up in here?
Michael: Nah. Just poopin'. You know how I be.
Kevin: It smells like throw-up in here.
Michael: Crazy world. Lot of smells.

Dwight: Somebody attack me. Kevin, Go!
Kevin: No WAY. Last time, you pulled my pants down and then you tried to choke me with my shoelace.
Dwight: False. I DID choke you with your shoelace.

Michael: Who here has been the but of a joke that has gone too far? Phyllis.
Phyllis: Michael you make fun of us everyday.
Kevin: Yeah. Every single day.
Michael: Uh, you never said anything.
Meredith: Uh, we have. Countless times.
Michael: Well it is hard to tell the difference between you guys saying "Stop! Because I want you to stop" and "Stop!" as in "Stop you're making making me laugh so hard. What you're doing is so funny. You are on a roll I am a busting a gut. Stoppp!"
Angela: That's never been the case.

Erin: Uh, David Wallace called.
Michael: Oh he did, what did he say?
Erin: He heard you made a big splash, at the meeting, oh my God that was so mean what I just said and I didn't mean it. It was Kevin and Meredith that put me up to it.
Kevin: I'm gonna kill you.

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 192 in total

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The Office Quotes

Michael: Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?
Pam: Steve Martin's not dead, Michael.
Michael: I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It's this.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael
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