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I love the smell of bacon on a woman.

Angela: Come on, right now.
Michael: Cookie. Kevin, cookie.
Angela: Ugh. There is no cookie, Kevin.
Kevin: [to Michael] Is there a cookie?
Michael: Mmm-hmm.
Angela: Wha -
Michael: Come on.
Angela: Oh, for goodness sakes, Kevin. There's no cookie. There's no cookie. Come on. Come.
Kevin: I wanted a cookie.
Angela: Completely unacceptable.

At least once a year, I like to bring in some of my Kevin's Famous Chili. The trick is to undercook the onions. Everybody is going to get to know each other in the pot. I'm serious about this stuff. I'm up the night before pressing garlic and dicing whole tomatoes. I toast my own Ancho chilies. It's a recipe passed down from Malones for generations. It's probably the thing I do best.

Jim: Hey dude, you know what a "rundown" is?
Oscar: Use it in a sentence.
Jim: "Uh, can you get this rundown for me?"
Oscar: Try another sentence.
Jim: "This rundown better be really good"?
Oscar: I don't know but it sounds like the rundown is really important.
Jim: Charles asked me to do this rundown of all my clients.
Oscar: Why don't you just ask him-
Jim: No. I can't. It was like, hours ago.
Oscar: What have you been doing?
Kevin: Try it in another sentence.

Charles: Oh, and Kelly...
Kelly: Yes Charles? Yes, you wanted me?
Charles: Okay, I'm gonna call you Kapoor, okay? And you, Hannon.
Erin: If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name.
Charles: Erin. Okay, that's very pretty.
Kelly: Well you know what my middle name is? Rajani Ghana! And I hate it! I hate it!
Kevin: I thought Rajini Ghanda was a boy's name.

Charles: So, we had a personnel change today. Shouldn't effect our day to day. But, until we get a new receptionist I want Kevin on the phones.
Kevin: Phones?
Charles: Also, there has been too much wasted time. So Stanley.
Stanley: Yes.
Charles: Yeah, I want you to be on top of that okay? I want you to be my productivity czar. Okay, good. Uh, okay that it on my list. So uh, you know, no excuses guys. Lets get going okay?

Kevin: Michael, why is it that you asked everyone except me, Angela, Creed, and Meredith?
Michael: I was going to, I wanted to. But I had to start somewhere.
Kevin: But you didn't want to start with us?
Michael: No, of course not. But now I want everybody. Jim! Jim? Buddy, Hey! Buddy, Jimbo? Did you have time to think about my offer?
Jim: I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else.
Michael: So which way are you leaning?
Jim: Well it is tempting but I am 100% leaning towards something else.
Michael: Thanks Jim.

I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy. And he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there.

Kevin: Pam?
Pam: Hmm?
Kevin: When will the new copier be ready?
Pam: I'm working on it Kev.
Kevin: You said it would be ready by today. And it is today.
Pam: It'll be ready soon.
Kevin: Soon could mean anything. Soon could be 3 weeks.
Pam: Is that what 'soon' means to you?
Kevin: Sometimes.
Pam: Then come back soon.

Kevin: Michael is that scotch?
Michael: Scotch with Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets drunk like scotch. Clinky, clinky-clink. Come-on... come on, come on.

Pam: Okay focus. Focus. You're in the right building, you're with the right people; what happened?
Michael: I looked at Wallace and I said "I quit!" and as I turned to leave I looked back and I said "You have no idea how high I can fly."
Stanley: Did you tell him how sick of him you were?
Michael: Why would I do that?
Angela: Well, wouldn't it feel good to tell him that he was incompetent?
Kevin: That he's wasted 15 years of your life?
Meredith: Did you spit in his face?
Michael: You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just winged it.

Kevin: Michael?
Michael: Yep.
Kevin: I just realized that I used the 2008 calendar to do the spreadsheets for January and February. I may need to come in this weekend to fix it.
Michael: Do some overtime? You want to do some overtime this weekend? You know what, Kevin, I applaud your initiative. Yes. You may.
Charles: Uh, no, sorry, Michael. No, Kevin, right? We're going to need you to do that during office hours.
Kevin: Ok.
Charles: Ok.
Michael: Kevin? This is my branch. You don't ask Charles. You ask me. I say, approved.
Charles: That's not the way it's gonna work.
Michael: Yes it is!
Charles: No, it is not.
Michael: No, it is not.
Charles: Ok, so we're on the same page, great.
Michael: Ok, so we're on the same page, great.
Charles: Ok, Michael, what are you doing?
Michael: Ok, Michael, what are you doing?
Charles: No, seriously.
Michael: No, seriously.
Charles: How old are you?
Michael: How old are you?
Pam: Oh no.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 192 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael