The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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How can they say I'm past my prime? Me, the voice of Ovaltine.

Bart: I want you to binge watch all the shows you've ever done.
Krusty: I've never said no to a binge.

Rabbi Krustofski: What did the burning bush say?
Krusty: It said ow! Put me out! How many talking bushes do you think there are?

Come back, I'm a clown. I can't afford to look ridiculous.

Lisa: You could do what Everybody Loves Raymond did.
Krusty: Go off the air while I'm still good? That horse has left the stable, gone to the glue factory and has been used to make art projects.

They were kids, and we gave them candy if they laughed! And if they didn't, until the 70s, I hit them with a stick! Some jerk tracked down the kids and made a documentary. It's called "Circus of Shame" or something.

They took my dressing room, my parking space, even my writer, so I don't have a funny third item.

And all the movies are over a year old. It's like those parodies were written when the movies came out, but it took so long to animate them that we look dated and hackey.

Why can't i be funny with just my words? Bill Maher doesn't put dangerous things near his crotch. Except when he's off work.

Krustyland has a new ride, the Eyeballs of Death. It only passed the safety by a 3 to 2 vote. And that third vote didn't come cheap.

Yokel child: Hey, you're one of those funny people with a big, crazy nose!
Krusty: A clown?
Yokel child: No, a j--
Krusty: Joker! That's right. And I'm not a practicing Joker so I'm not that offended.

Krusty: Kids, it's finally happening: your own primetime special. The songs will be written by Broadway's greatest composer: this guy. What's your name again, Fuzzface?
Stephen Sondheim: Stephen Sondheim. I know you hear this all the time, but I think you're great.
Krusty: And I'm sure you hear this all the time: you cost an arm and a leg, so let's get to work.
Stephen Sondheim: Here's the opening number.
Krusty: (taking the sheets) Complex harmoniesintricate lyricspithy observations on modern life. What is this junk? Where's the zazz? Just do what you did in "Cats."
Stephen Sondheim: I didn't write "Cats."
Krusty: You didn't?!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 70 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart