South Park

Kyle Broflovski Quotes (Page 4)

Kyle: This is taking too long. The flight to Connecticut is gonna leave. Hey can we speed things up here?!
Airport Inspector: Err sorry but ever since that IT thing came out Airline had to cut back on employees.
Kyle: Dude we're the only ones here. How long does it take 5 people to get through security?
Airport Inspector: Derr let's see, 4 people plus times divided Two hours domestic three hours international.
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Can't we just play hide and seek at home?
Kyle: No!
Airport Inspector (finds something in Kenny's pockets): Aha! What's this a toenail clipper! Die terrorist!!
(shoots Kenny in the head)
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle's Cousin Kyle: I gotta get back to Connecticut.
Sheila: Now that things have changed for Kyle, his mother needs him back.
Kyle: Do you promise! I mean oh That's too bad dude What changed for you?
Kyle's Cousin Kyle: Well I invested in that IT thing and there was a bailout so I received a 5 million dollar bailout cross-cheque which I can use to help my family so I guess good-bye, cousin.
Kyle: See ya cousin, hope to see you soon. (whispers)Not too soon I hope.
(The boys all snicker)
(After a few seconds)The Boys (in unison): 5 MILLION DOLLARS?!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle's Cousin Kyle (to Kyle, Cartman, and Stan): Listen guys, I appreciate you wanting me around but the fact of the matter is You guys are just kinda douche-bags.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: You especially can't say anything about Jews.
Cartman: Oh Jesus why don't you just cut off my balls!?
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: (about Butters) Dude, that poor kid.
Clyde: Yeah, we got to remember to kick his ass tomorrow.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: I told you Jawas have no hearts.
Kyle: Jawas?
Cartman: You know, Sand People.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kyle: Remember when life used to be simple and cool?
Cartman: Not really.
Butters: (walks to the bus stop) Uh, hey. How's it going fellas?
Stan: Butters! What the hell do you think you're doing??
Butters: Well, I'm just standing around being a kid, why? How come you're wearing them oogy spaceman masks?
Kyle: These are gas masks, Butters!
Stan: Yeah, if you don't wear a gas mask, you'll be easily exposed to smallpox or anthrax!
Butters: What?! Oh, Jesus! I don't wanna get the 'thrax, fellas! W-what do I do??
Stan: There's nothing you can doexcept stop breathing.
Butters: Stop breathing??
Kyle: Yeah, you can't get it if you don't breath.
Butters: Oh, all right, then! (inhales deeply and holds breath)
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: (after Stan puts up the miniature flag) Dude, I thought those Afghani kids talked to us about not liking America...
Stan: No, dude. America might have some problems, but it's our home. Our country. Our team. And if you don't want to root for your team, then just get the hell out of the stadium.
Kyle: Yeah.
Stan: Go America. Go Broncos.
Kyle: Yeah, go Broncos.
Cartman: Yeah.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Kyle tries to convince the Afghani people that they are not American)
Kyle: Greetings from Canada. Well boys, it's aboot time we get to our hoose in Canada, isn't it?
Cartman: Ey, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not a God damn Canadian, and neither are you!
Stan: Cartman, you stupid asshole!
 • Rating: Unrated

Kyle: Stan, I don't think we're supposed to be in the military base; they might shoot us.
Stan: I don't care; we're going!
Towelie: (appearing in front of the boys) Don't forget to bring a towel!
(Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny groan.)
Cartman: Oh, no. Not Towelie...
Towelie: When going some place new, you should always bring a towel!
Stan: Okay. Thanks, Towelie.
Towelie: You wanna get high?
Cartman: No, we don't wanna get high!
Towelie: So... You mean you don't like having Towelie around?
Cartman: That's right!
Towelie: So am I to understand there's been a..."Towelie ban"?
(Towelie laughs and the boys groan loudly.)
Stan: Goddamnit, get the hell out of here, Towelie!
Towelie: (leaving) Alright, see ya!
 • Rating: Unrated

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