Archer

Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
Try it Now for Free and Instantly Watch Archer.

Silence - yes! Aspire to that while I think of a plan.

Lana: Have you ever heard a country song?
Archer: Uhhh...Danger Zone?

Lana: Right about here is the part where I hold you responsible.
Archer: Oh my God, the burden.

Lana: If anything goes wrong, I'm holding YOU responsible.
Archer: Yeah, that'll teach me.

Archer: It's the A-Team meets Scarface. That makes me...uh...
Lana: Hannibal Montana?

Archer: I realize now that I was mistaken
Lana: Aww, what a scary new feeling for you.

Lana: I could start smoking crak today and he'd still turn out better than you.

Archer: Why is that, because I never had a father, Lana? So why don't you shut up and then also marry me?!

Archer: I thought you were gonna shoot me.

Lana: The day's not over.

Lana: Screw you, Mr My-mother's-a-lying-bitch-and-I'm-too-stupid-to-realize-my-life's-a-pathetic-joke!
Archer: Nice to meet you, Mrs Hello-my-kid's-from-a-sperm-bank-since-I-can't-keep-a-man-because-in-addition-to-my-jillion-neuroses-I-have-a-weird-looking-vagina!

Great, the world's first DSVUI.

Archer: Are you kidding, I didn't even let [Woodhouse] go to his own brother's funeral.
Lana: Was he crushed?
Archer: He probably would have been if I told him about it.

Lana: Thank you for making me carry your bag through customs.
Woodhouse: No, thank you.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 89 in total

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.