Why are your plans always so complicated? You're like Wyle E Coyote with access to predator drones.

Lana: And just so we're clear, he's the Prince of Duhan, an allied country.
Slater: Yeah, I'm gonna refer you back to "Because I said so."

Lana: First of all, your plan was too complicated!
Slater: Maybe for you people.
Archer: It had everything except a sign for free birdseed.

Lem Kane: That's why I had to keep my secret. Can you imagine what that would mean to big oil or OPEC?
Archer: Well, there's no need to be racist.
Lana: How is the acronym for the organization of pertoleum exporting countries racist?
Archer: Oh, that's what it means?

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Archer: Who gets into a hot tub naked with a stranger?
Lana: Because everybody? Because Berkley?!
Archer: How doese a whole city get a pass from acceptable behavior!

Lana: Daddy, tell us about your research.
Lem Kane: Well, algae is always challenging.
Archer: Yeah, just ask a flip-flop.

Archer: Lana, go. AJ's in good hands. I know what I'm doing. I've read 10 of the Babysitter's Club books.
Lana: Really?
Archer: Yeah, I'm totally a Christie with maybe like a dash of Claudia.

Lana: Have you at least babyproofed this place?
Archer: I don't think a baby can hurt anything.

Lana: Remember when the office shut down and we spent an entire year as coke dealers?
Archer: What, so people just quit?


Lana: What is it, soup?
Ray: Define soup.
Lana: Would it be safe to assume that no one wants to drink what's in your thermos?
Krieger: Sweet Jesus God, I would hope so!

Lana: I'm going upstate for seer school
Cheryl: So take her with you!
Lana: To SURVIVAL school
Cherl: Big whoop. Hang her in a bear bag

Krieger: That's what they said about Tesla's deathray! So this favor. Lana...wait Lana, what's this favor?!
Lana: (as she's running away) Just promise to use your powers for good.
Krieger: Hahahah, no

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Archer: Gee, I don't know, Cyril. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction. Physically unchanged for a hundred million years, because it's the perfect killing machine. A half ton of cold-blooded fury, the bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hoofs.