Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer

Gandalf: I love your new hairdo, by the way.
Lana: Well if you like the collar, you're gonna love the cuffs.

Lana: What's your third biggest fear?
Archer: Brain aneurysm.
Lana: What's a brain aneurysm have to do with walking around in a swamp?
Archer: Nothing, it can happen anywhere at anytime, that's what makes it so terrifying.

Lana: What are your three biggest fears?
Archer: Getting stuck on a boat with you three times.

Lana [opens cooler of nothing but beer]: You're shitting me.
Archer: I know. A rainbow should shoot out every time you open it.

Archer: This must be what it's like to have sex with me.
Lana: How could an airboat be selfish?

Archer [to airboat owner]: I've waited my entire life to say this exact phrase, "I'm commandeering this airboat!"
Lana: Sorry, it really is an emergency.
Archer: Of an awesome and ass-kicking nature!

Lana: He's attacked nuclear power plants, hydroelectric dams, and whaling ships.
Archer: Whaling ships? What he's got something against clean burning lamp oil?

Lana: Is that a friggin' candy bar?
Archer: Yeah, but do you think you need the calories?

Lana: Did you see me holding that baby?
Gillette: Look liked Tyson holding that dove.

Barry: Yours for the taking, if you are similarly mine for the taking
Lana: "Taking" as in to get this job I have to have sex with you?
Barry: Hey, those are your words. And also mine, yes.

Archer: She doesn't look like she's just turning 17.
Lana: No, she looks like she's just turning 18.
Archer: Exactly. Plus Europeans use the metric system...

Lana: Gestad? Count me in!
Archer: And me out. I'm not getting frost bite protecting some old German guy.
Malory: Herr Schlotz isn't the intended victim. It's his daughter Anka.
Archer: Who obviously needs someone on her. Constantly. I will that someone who's constantly on her.

Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 89 in total

Archer Quotes

Bloody mary, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now in the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.

Archer

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.

x Close Ad