Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer

Lana: Dude, this van is like rolling probable cause.
Malory: All ashore from the S.S. Date Rape.
Ray: Toot, Toot!

On your knees, hands behind your head, and toss out that weapon! But not in that order.

Malory: Lana, you go straight to Moscow.
Lana: Undercover?
Malory: Of course undercover.
Lana: As what? Russia's only black woman?

Gillette: He's like a thousand.
Lana: You won't be having sex with him.
Gillette: Well, wait, he is a Duke.
Lana: No means no.

Lana: You turned archer loose with four million dollars in a casino?
Archer: Oh, don't worry. He may be vain, selfish liar and quite possibly alcoholic man whore, but gambling is one vice Sterling doesn't have.
Malory: Guess he's too busy doing all those other awesome stuff. Thanks, mother.

Well, you did threaten to stick a knife up his dick hole.

Archer: I'm not negotiating with a cyborg.
Lana: That's just a voice modulator.
Archer: You don't think cyborgs have that technology!?

I am literally wet with jealousy.

Archer: What have I been doing?
Lana: Chain smoking joints the size of tampons.
Archer: Eww.
Lana: Just a figure of speech.
Archer: Still, eww.

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