Favorite Larry David Quotes
Larry: My name is Todd, and I'm an incest survivor.
Group: Hello.
Larry: I had sex with my uncle when I was 12. He lived in Great Neck, he was a doctor. An osteopath, I dont even know what they do, but I know they're doctors. Something to do with muscles I think, neither here nor there.
I tend to say stupid things to black people sometimes
He will be gay. He's pre-gay.
Larry: So what, I'm a shmuck for being in a masturbation contest?
Jason Alexander: It's not an incredibly noble experiment was it?
He started a war. He didn't really care for Jews. He thought they were a bit much.
Loretta: LD, do you know what it feels like to have cancer?
Larry: I know what it feels like to be with someone who has cancer.
You're nothing without your health. Some people are nothing even with their health. I fall in that category, sometimes.
I don't tell my wife anything. I don't confide in her. I don't trust anybody. I just treat her like an acquaintance
Larry: I can't wait to call my parents. They are gonna be so proud of me! When I tell my father I figured out out that navigation system, he's gonna flip his wig! And he's got one too!
Cheryl: Can we turn on the radio?
Larry: Oh, he's gonna be very proud of Larry figuring out the navigation system!
Cheryl: Please.
Larry: "Daddy, I'm not so stupid!"
Larry [on Jerry Seinfeld]: He's a eunuch. Yes, his testicles were cut of when he was about 13 because he was in the Beth Shalom choir. And that's what he wanted to be, he was a choirboy.
Phyliss: Julia, is that true? Does he really have no testicles?
Julia: You know, I've got to tell you, I don't have any fuckin' idea
Cheryl: Why am I always the one who initiates sex?
Larry: I'm available for sex all the time, basically, so anytime you want to have it, you can have it.
Cheryl: Wow.
Larry: But anytime I want to have it, I can't--just assume that I want it all the time, so whenever you want it, just tap me on the shoulder
Larry: Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?
