Larry David Quotes
Krazee Eyez: I'll snap off your neck with a crackle and a pop.
Larry: Oh, I like the Rice Krispies thing, yeah.
Cheryl: You're that scared of Krazee-Eyez that you'd flee the country?
Larry: Yes, I am! I want to live. I want to have both legs. I want to have my penis and my testicles intact.
You think I'd send anyone to this piece of shit store?
Jeff: A dog! She chose a fucking dog over her own father.
Larry: You sat down and you laid it out?
Jeff: I talked to her. I told her, 'Daddy's sick. He can't stay in the same house with Oscar.' She wants Oscar! She wants the dog!
Larry: Calm down
Jeff: Where is the dog?!
Larry: They took him back to your house.
Jeff: My house? No, no, no, his house. His house. I'm at the W hotel. It's his house now.
I'm surprised Hitler didn't round up the toupe people.
Jeff: You really love that dog.
Larry: It's nice to be affectionate to something German. You don't get the opportunity that often, you know.
Larry: Hamster? Put him in a cage and you can torture him a little bit?
Sammy: They're boring.
Larry: But you torture them. It's not boring if you torture them.
Larry: What do you say?
Braudy kids: Thank you!
Larry: You're welcome!
(Larry rubs Susan Braudy's nose in his refusal to thank her)
Bald Chef: You have to wear a hat if you're gonna be in a convertible, then you look like you're trying to hide something.
Larry: Well, that's what they do, these guys with the hats. Don't they?
Bald Chef: Yeah, Yeah!
Larry: They wear it all the time and they'll meet a girl or something, then they'll show up on a date. What are they gonna do? Are they gonna take the hat off? Wear it? They have a terrible decision.
Bald Chef: Right, then the girl is going to be like, "I didn't know you were bald."
Larry: Yeah, "You misrepresented yourself!"
(seeing Stu taste wine) He's like an elephant sticking his head in a pond.
Susan: You going to thank me too?
Cheryl: And thank you Susan
Susan: You're welcome (looks to Larry)
Larry: What? Why do I have to thank you?
Susan: For dinner, that my husband and I treated you to.
Larry: Oh, I thought he treated me to it.
Susan: Stu pulled out the credit card and put it down, yes.
Larry: Yeah, so I thanked him
Susan: And he's using our money to pay for it, so you could thank us. We're taking you out to dinner.
Larry: Well, you could call it "our money," but just for the sake of discussion, he's the one who goes to work and earns the money. You don't work.
You know me, I don't like to complain.
