Guy: You've got something on your head.
Larry: I believe they refer to that as a smiley face. They're frequently used by idiots at the end of emails and text messages, such as "I miss you ...smiley face."

That's a long time for sorrys. That's like saying Happy New Year in October.

The Dog days are over. From now on, you're Deano!

Chocolate pretzels? Get the hell outta here!

I will be the Edmund Hillary of shitting wear you eat.

You know I talk during intercourse too.

Cheek to cheek contact for men, that's unacceptable.

Jeff: You're shittin' where you eat.
Larry: That's right. I'm shitting where I eat.

I know we have our problems with these people, but man oh man, do they know what they're doing, chicken wise.

Larry: You really are your mother's daughter, aren't you?
Sammy: Yeah. Now get the f*ck out my driveway you bald prick.

Eddie: By the way, your lunch is on me.
Larry: I already paid for it.
Eddie: Even better.

Larry: I think if you didn't want to sleep with her, you wouldn't be so tolerant of the LOL.
Eddie: Well that goes without saying.

Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

Larry: "Bald asshole?" That's a hate crime. We consider ourselves to be a group.
Police Officer: I'm bald and I'm not offended.
Larry: With all due respect, Officer Berg, you are not bald. You've chosen to shave your hair and that's a look you're cultivating in order to look fashionable, but we don't really consider you part of the bald community... with all due respect

Larry: Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?