Stella: It sounds like you appreciate the art form.
Larry: Well I appreciate naked women.

You called me old? You're two days older than I am.

Funkhouser: We ought to do this more often.
Larry: Come to disgusting strip clubs?

The dog without the bag, it's incomplete. It's a marriage.

Richard: A lot of people call me who are suicidal.
Larry: I don't think you'd be my suicide call.

Cheryl: Larry, what is in your nose?
Larry: It's a tampon.

Larry: He's a Swede.
Funkhouser: He is? I was at his house for hanukkah.

I got a Swede lawyer?!? She's gonna get everything!

First of all, I commend you on the demographics. A Black, an Asian, and are you a Jew per chance?

Larry: Why don't you get a divorce?
Funkhouser: I'm too lazy.

Larry: Guy pulls up to me on a motorcycle. Guess who it turns out to be?
Jeff: Portia De Rossi.

Larry: Everything okay?
Kiera: I uhh think I just had my first period.

Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

Larry: I think I am just going to get a Cobb Salad. I'd like to make a few substitutions, if that's OK. I'll get... no bacon. No eggs. Bleu cheese on the side.
Cliff Cobb: Are you sure you want a Cobb Salad? Do you do that every time you order that salad?
Larry: Do you have a problem with it?
Cliff Cobb: It's my grandfather's salad. I'm a Cobb of Cobb salad fame.
Larry: I think that this is a real bullshit story

Wanda Sykes: Larry, you are an ass man!
Larry: I am not an ass man! I don't have an ass fetish! I am not obssessed with asses