Larry David Quotes
Larry: I waved to a guy in a Prius and he didn't wave back.
Jeff: I don't wave to people in the same car as me.
Larry: We're Prius drivers; we're a special breed.
Larry: (on Antoinette) Her boyfriend broke up with her, and frankly, I'd like to do the same.
Jeff: Why don't you fire her?
Larry: I can't.
Jeff: Why not?
Larry: Because she knows everything about me. She knows my dietary habits. She knows all about my web of lies and bullshit and deceit.
Larry: How long do you think I'd want to do that for?
Jeff: I don't know? All night long, I would assume.
Larry: It gets boring, come on.
Jeff: Fucking's boring?!
Betty Dusenberry: This is from the Davids. Oh, a doll.
Larry: It's a mulatto.
(to doctor) What have you been doing, stealing your magazine collection from garbage cans? I have never seen such a collection of shit in my life. They're all four years old, those things.
(goading Wanda) I need a black man to get my car! Is there a black man in the area who wants to take my valet ticket?
Wanda: Do you think a black man would want that piece of shit?
Larry: "Piece of shit?" How dare you?
Wanda: That's a little toy car. No black man don't want a toy car.
Masasa: We don't really use "mulatto" anymore.
Larry: I was wondering about that, if that was a bad one.
Masasa: Yeah, it's a bit outdated. But if we all keep fucking each other, then we're all gonna be the same race sooner or later anyways.
Larry: Let's pray for that.
Monena: I can give four blow jobs an hour.
Larry: Four blow jobs an hour?
Monena: Oh yes, I'm good.
Monena: You bought me one little raggedy-ass hot dog!
Larry: Yeah, which you proceded to blow!
Marty: I gotta pick up someone at the airport, and I know it's on the way. Can you give me a lift, please?
Larry: Why don't you ask your father to help jump start the car? (to empty passenger seat) Hey Leo, why don't you give him a push?!
Larry: An ounce of schwag, $200.
Larry: Is that a fair price you're quoting me there, sir?
Dealer: Look, you can pay me $200 or go fuck yourself. I don't need to sell the drugs. The drugs'll sell themselves.