Cougar Town
Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBSPopular Laurie Keller Quotes
Jules: Do you think that's an appropriate outfit for work?
Laurie: I did just until a second ago
Jules: Fair enough
Ellie: Great, the girl with three toe rings finds it funny
Laurie: Hey one of them is a tattoo
Jules: You never go all out for a guy?
Laurie: If I really like a guy I'll stop texting while I do him
Ellie: I wish you were my daughter
Laurie [about Ellie]: She's hot for a frigid, beastly, elderly woman
Ellie: You think I'm hot
Jules: That worked?
Ellie: Well yeah because if that trashy big lipped slag said it, it might be a little true
Laurie: You think I have big lips? That's really sweet
Laurie: Hey Grayson, if you were at a BBQ playing drinking games with your buds would you chug a girls beer and hug her sweetly from behind without trying to cop a feel if you weren't in love with her?
Grayson: Please stop coming to my bar
Laurie: There's nothing in your purse except three hundred dollars
Jules: That's five hundred, that's my half of a stupid bet bobby bet
Laurie: No, this feels like three hundred. My brother sold pot for six years
When I want to end it with a guy, I sleep with his best friend... or brother. Brothers are good because if the guy was hot, chances are the brother is too. Best friends are a crap shoot.
Laurie: Dale's not perfect, I mean it's not cool he forges Dan Marino's autograph for a living, but I think he really cares about me, don't you?
Travis: That depends, does he have your name tattooed anywhere on his body?
Laurie: He says he does but I haven't been able to find it
Laurie [to Jules for picture]: Arch your back and stick out your chest
Ellie: And say classy!
Jules: The sales after Thanksgiving this year are going to be insane. We're talking full on shopping orgy.
Laurie: We are gonna save so much money by spending.
Laurie: That's a nice top, but I couldn't wear it because of these puppies. [grabs boobs]
Kylie: Okay....
Ellie: Leave her alone! Hey, that's a nice necklace, are your parents rich?
Jules: You can't wear fake nails on just one hand, it makes you look like a crazy whore
Laurie: I only had four left and this is the hand I smoke with
