Better Off Ted

Lem Hewitt Quotes (Page 9)

Phil: This is ridiculous. You have to talk to Veronica.
Lem: I'm going to.
Phil: No, I mean you really have to.
Lem: I'm going to.
Phil: No you won't.
Lem: Yes I might.
Phil: You have to stand up for yourself this time. This isn't just delicious flavored coffee. This is your dignity we're talking about.
Lem: I have my dignity. Now will you take me to the bathroom
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lem: It gets dark whenever you leave the room.
Phil: Ohh... how can I get mad at you when you say things like that
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: Did you put hydrochloric acid in this mug?
Lem: Oh, yeah. I was trying to get the stains out.
Phil: You know, soap would work, and it wouldn't kill someone if they accidentally drank it.
Lem: But soap leaves a film
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: Lem, you ever get the feeling the ooplasm cultures are looking up at you, worshiping you like a vengeful god?
Lem: No. Cytoplasm culture sometimes, but never ooplasm.
Phil: Sometimes you are a complete stranger to me
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lem: Maybe the meat blob's not taking in enough nutrients. I guess I could try and give it a mouth.
Ted: I'm gonna say no to the meat blob getting a mouth. Mostly because I don't want to hear what it has to say
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: I am the Below Zero Hero. Julie in Employee Services asked for my autograph. That's right, Julie. With those breasts in front. It's a new Phil, Lem. You had better get used to it
Lem: That was a little aggressive
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: Blobby, like Bobby, only with an l
Lem: Don't name it or you won't want to eat it. Remember Chester the carrot?
Phil: Yeah, I miss him
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: At least meat grown in a test tube doesn't feel pain. Please tell me it doesn't feel pain.
Lem: We don't think so.
Phil: Yeah, although interestingly, it does respond to music
 • Rating: Unrated

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