Sheldon: Why would the Chinese make our DVR record Paul Blart: Mall Cop?
Leonard: I don't know. It's a fat guy on a Segway. That's funny everywhere.

Leonard: Oh, you do what you want, but I don't want to lose my friends over tenure. Friends are forever.
Howard [coughing]: So, is tenure.

Way to hit'em with both barrels.

Seriously, is that tape? Like, how are they staying up like that?

Amy

Leonard: You realize you might kill some of them.
Penny: Oh, then you all can get tenure.

Leonard: Mmm, you know, we could throw a dinner party too. Maybe even ask everyone to get dressed up.
Penny: Sure. Just when you say "dressed up" you mean nice clothes, right? Not, like, capes and tights and crap
Leonard: Although...
Penny: No.

Howard: Last time I was here, I was a scrawny little nerd.
Leonard: And, now, you're also an astronaut.

Sheldon: I believe in a gender blind society like in Star Trek. Where women and men of all races and creeds worked side-by-side as equals.
Leonard: You mean where they were advanced enough to develop an interstellar warp drive, but a black lady still answered the space phone?

Leonard: Helping women?
Sheldon: Helping anyone. People should take care of themselves.
Leonard: Oh, like yesterday when you made me drive you to the dry cleaners, the pharmacy and the post office?

Penny: Leonard Hofstadler...
Leonard: Yes?
Penny: Will you be my valentine?
Leonard: Sorry. Maybe, next year. ... I'm just kidding. Romance ninja. Let's have sex! Wah!

I'm cool with surprises, but nothing on the Jumbotron. I don't want to cry on the big screen like that.

You have to propose to me.

TBBT Quotes

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.

Sheldon: Even the dung beetle chooses to plot its course by using the Milky Way.
Raj: Is that true?
Sheldon: Everything I say is true. Now, of course, the dung beetle also enjoys eating fece, living in feces and making little balls out of feces. So, pick and choose which aspects of its lifestyle you want to embrace.