Sheldon: Why would the Chinese make our DVR record Paul Blart: Mall Cop?
Leonard: I don't know. It's a fat guy on a Segway. That's funny everywhere.

Leonard: Oh, you do what you want, but I don't want to lose my friends over tenure. Friends are forever.
Howard [coughing]: So, is tenure.

Way to hit'em with both barrels.

Seriously, is that tape? Like, how are they staying up like that?

Amy

Leonard: You realize you might kill some of them.
Penny: Oh, then you all can get tenure.

Leonard: Mmm, you know, we could throw a dinner party too. Maybe even ask everyone to get dressed up.
Penny: Sure. Just when you say "dressed up" you mean nice clothes, right? Not, like, capes and tights and crap
Leonard: Although...
Penny: No.

Howard: Last time I was here, I was a scrawny little nerd.
Leonard: And, now, you're also an astronaut.

Sheldon: I believe in a gender blind society like in Star Trek. Where women and men of all races and creeds worked side-by-side as equals.
Leonard: You mean where they were advanced enough to develop an interstellar warp drive, but a black lady still answered the space phone?

Leonard: Helping women?
Sheldon: Helping anyone. People should take care of themselves.
Leonard: Oh, like yesterday when you made me drive you to the dry cleaners, the pharmacy and the post office?

Penny: Leonard Hofstadler...
Leonard: Yes?
Penny: Will you be my valentine?
Leonard: Sorry. Maybe, next year. ... I'm just kidding. Romance ninja. Let's have sex! Wah!

I'm cool with surprises, but nothing on the Jumbotron. I don't want to cry on the big screen like that.

You have to propose to me.

TBBT Quotes

Leonard: I'm not a crybaby.
Penny: Toy Story 3?
Leonard: They were holding hands in a furnace!

Two tea bags in one cup? You're not at a rave.

Sheldon