Leonard: You know what? That was pretty crappy of you. All I wanted to do was to give you a great night and it was like you went out of your way to destroy it.
Penny: Yeah, I know. I'm a total bitch.
Leonard: I'm not saying that.
Penny: Well, I am.
Leonard: Oh, fine you win. You're a bitch.

Leonard: Two can play this game.
Penny: Get up.

Howard: A micro-valentine for a microbiologist.
Leonard: From her micro-husband.

Well, this time is going to be different because I'm a like a romance ninja. You don't see it coming and then BAM. Romance, watch out, hearts, kisses, love, ewww wah.

Penny: No, I said "Oh my God, I think that old guy's choking" and one of the busboy's Heimlich'd him.
Leonard: You're a hero...
Penny: Yeah ... that was the point of the story.

Sheldon: Have you seen the one where Lori dies?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Or, maybe she doesn't. Let's find out.

Oh, spoiler alert. This door's about to slam in your face.

Leonard: Maybe it's a shipping problem.
Howard: What?
Leonard: Maybe Wesley Snipes and Toucan Sam just got action figures that look like you guys.

Fine, but set them to stun. If we vaporize Penny, I'll never find a girlfriend that pretty again.

Raj: Are they actually arguing about comic books?
Leonard: No, that can't be right.
Howard: Maybe "Thor's Hammer" is a new color of nail polish.

Cop: You guys need me to call someone? I'm guessing your moms?
Leonard: Thanks, but we've got it covered.
Howard (walks up): Okay, I just talked to my mom.

Raj: Wool pants in the desert. I feel like I've got poached testicles.
Leonard: Oh, you poor thing, you're sweating. That is so much worse than having your car stolen.
Raj: Your insurance is going to buy you a new car. It's not gonna de-funk my junk.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.