Leonard: Oh. Watch out, Sheldon. This little boy Casper is a g-g-g-ghost!
Sheldon: Droll.
Howard: Not as droll as a grown man passed out in a puddle of his own urine.
Leonard: That was pretty droll. With a hint of ammonia.

Leonard: I'm going to a party. I'm not turning R2-D2 and C3PO over to the Empire!
Sheldon: Not yet.

Leonard: We enter the dungeon.
Sheldon: You see a dragon.

Leonard: See, this is the good thing about having a girlfriend 9,000 miles away I can spend my nights doing whatever I want.
Howard: You mean playing nerd games with us and then taking a suspiciously long shower?
Leonard: Maybe.

[Sheldon karate chops Leonard in the shoulder]
Leonard: Ow! Why did you do that?
Sheldon: To send a message: she's not for you!
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Not for you!

Amy: If it makes you feel any better, the only person who signed my yearbook was my mother.
Leonard: Aww.
Amy: "Dear, Amy. Self-respect and a hymen are better than friends and fun. Love, Mom."

Amy: Should I go? I've been told, sometimes, I overstay my welcome.
Leonard: Wha ... who told you that?
Amy: Well, most recently my gynecologist.

Leonard: You're my woman. I'm going to make you feel things you have never felt before.
Priya: Leonard
Leonard: That's right, say my name and beg me for more because I'm going to give it to you.
Priya: My parents are here.
Priya's father: Hello, Leonard, if I may also say your name.

Leonard: Damnit.
Priya: Wow, Leonard, already?
Leonard: No no no. The screen froze.

There's no junk jiggling; we just talk.

Leonard: What are you doing here?
Raj: I was sleeping!
Leonard: In MY bed?
Raj: Well, I would have slept in my OWN bed, but it was being used to bring shame to my family....and the memory of Gene Roddenberry!

Bernadette: I was head-hunted by a big pharmaceutical company. They're going to pay me a buttload of money!!
Leonard: Bernadette, that's great!! Howard, do YOU make a buttload?
Howard: Better than what YOU got a buttload of!

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

It's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors

Sheldon