The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Sheldon: Why on earth are you telling me all this?
Leonard: Sometimes you movements are so lifelike I forget you're not a real boy.

Leonard: Why would you want a glow-in-the-dark ant farm?
Sheldon: They do some of their best work at night.

Wolowitz: I love watching Raj and Sheldon try to work together.
Leonard: Yeah, it's like if Alien and Predator decided to go partners in a Jamba Juice.

Leonard: ...and when she died, they ate her.
Sheldon: You don't have to sell me on cats, I'm already a fan!

Leonard: So, this is nice. First time we've all gotten together to eat.
Amy (to Sheldon): You're right. He's a festival of humdrum chitchat.
Leonard: Okay, that's all I got. Howard, you're up.
Wolowitz: Um, tell us about your work, Amy.
Amy: I doubt you'd understand. Sheldon tells me you only have a master's degree.
Wolowitz: Raj, do you have any questions for Amy?

Leonard: Did you guys see the paper in the American Physics Journal on supersolids? It's pretty interesting. This guy's working from a hypothesis which ...
Raj: Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert!
Leonard: What?
Raj: Don't ruin it for me, man! I printed out a PDF to read on the potty.

Leonard: Amy is judgmental, sanctimonious, and frankly just obnoxious
Sheldon: So?
Leonard: So we already have you for all that.

Leonard: Penny, Steve Wozniack was one of the co-founders of Apple computer. He and Steve Jobs...
Penny: Yeah. I know who he is. I watch Dancing With the Stars.

Sheldon: I don't understand why you're not enjoying this. Together, in this car, with my enhanced capabilities, we're like 'Knight Rider.'
Leonard: Except, in Knight Rider, the car isn't a yammering sphincter.
Sheldon: You mock the sphincter, but, the sphincter is a class of muscle without which human beings couldn't survive. There are over 50 different sphincters in the human body. How many can you name?
Leonard: I was wrong. This is exactly like Knight Rider

Raj: You slipped and fell into a robot hand?
Wolowitz: Yes.
Raj: Penis first?
Wolowitz: Yes. Now help me!
Leonard: I'd suggest a lubricant, but I have a feeling you fell on some of that as well.

When you say mistake, do you mean a fortunate mistake like the discovery of penicillin?

Don't worry about the moon. We set our laser to "stun."

Displaying quotes 253 - 264 of 448 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Sheldon: Ugh! English pudding. Y-You get yourself all excited for pudding, and here comes a cake with raisins in it. I'm not going.
Amy: You're going.
Sheldon: Why do you hate me?
Amy: I don't hate you. I love you.
Sheldon: Well, you call it love, but it has a lot of raisins in it.