Wolowitz: Okay! Let me just go inside and slip off my underwear.
Leonard: Why?
Wolowitz: Well if I get lucky, I certainly don't want to be caught in my Aquaman briefs.

Leonard: I just don't get what she sees in Stuart, we're practically the same guy
Sheldon: ...Stuart is taller, artistic, self employed, and most importantly, gets 45% off comic books

Penny [at comic book store]: Everyone's staring at me!
Leonard: Don't worry, they're more scared of you than you are of them
Penny: Unlikely

Leonard: But we all agreed the third Thursday of every month will be "Anything Can Happen Thursday"
Sheldon: Apparently the news didn't reach my digestive system, which when startled has it's own version of "Anything Can Happen Thursday"

Sheldon [looking for musical instrument in new neighbor's boxes]: Do those sound like castanets to you?
Leonard: The box says "kitchen."
Sheldon: So? Do cocaine smugglers write "cocaine" on the box?

Penny: It looks like the MySpace page of a 13 year old girl
Leonard: No it doesn't
Wolowitz: Oh please, Dateline could use it to attract predators

Howard: you know what would bea great idea? We get some girls over here and we play laser obstacle strip chess
Leonard: Believe me howard, any girl who would want to play that, you don't want to see naked
Howard: You underestimate me

Leonard: Well, it seems once again you're caught between a rock and a crazy place.
Sheldon: Oh, I hate when that happens.

Leonard: You know what baffles me Sheldon?
Sheldon: Based on your academic record, I could guess any number of things

Penny: What are we gonna do?
Leonard: We? No, no, no. You had your chance to be "we" for like a year and a half now. Right now, you are you and you are screwed.

Leonard [about his mother]: She's only been here a day and a half, and I'm seriously considering alcoholism as a new career path.
Penny: Hey, I talked to her for five minutes yesterday, and I've been half bombed ever since.

Penny [about his mom]: You can't let her get into your head
Leonard: It's too late for me, my head is her summer house

TBBT Quotes

Sheldon: Are you still mad about the sperm bank?
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
Leonard: Not really.
Sheldon: If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters most people will trip.
Leonard: I don't care—two millimeters?! That doesn't seem right.
Sheldon: No, it's true! I did a series of experiments when I was twelve; my father broke his clavicle.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon