The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Leonard: I regret not saying "yes"when you asked me to marry you.
Penny: Well, it just wasn't the right time.
Leonard: Yeah.
Penny: And this is also not the right time. Do not propose.
Leonard: What?
Penny: I know that face. That's your propose face.

Leonard: I'm not a crybaby.
Penny: Toy Story 3?
Leonard: They were holding hands in a furnace!

Leonard: All right. I officially reinstate Anything Can Happen Thursday.
Penny: Great! What do, what do you want to do?
Sheldon: I don't know. What do you want to do?
Penny: I don't know. What do you want to do?
Leonard: I'm starting to remember the problem with Anything Can Happen Thursdays.

Penny: So, we're about to shoot this scene in the movie where the killer ape DNA is slowly taking over my body.
Leonard: Okay.
Penny: But I realize they're gluing fur everywhere, except my cleavage. So, I asked
the director why and he says, it's important to the story that my boobs be the last things to turn ape.
Leonard: It's sweet that he thinks there's a story.

That was Wil -- he's feeling a lot better. Apparently, he's 12-down in the TV Guide crossword puzzle.

Sheldon: Quick poll: PS4 or Xbox One? Raj.
Raj: Uh, Xbox One.
Sheldon: Penny.
Penny: Huh?
Sheldon: Leonard.
Leonard: PS4.
Sheldon: Wolowitz.
Howard: Both great.
Sheldon: Bernadette.
Bernadette: I like the Wii.
Sheldon: Thanks, Grandma

Penny: Okay, look, here, page 58. I oil-wrestle an orangutan
in a bikini.
Leonard: Just to clarify, which one of you is wearing the bikini?
Penny: Both of us.
Leonard: So it's a family film.

Penny: Next time I get pulled over for a speeding ticket, here come the waterworks.
Sheldon [running to bathroom]: Here come the waterworks!
Leonard: Aren't you gonna ask?
Penny: What is this, my first day?

Sheldon: Boy, do I have to urinate.
Leonard: If only there were a solution
to that.
Sheldon: Seriously. I feel like I've got
a fish tank in my pelvis.

He has a very sensitive butt. Well, it's true. I once saw him sit on a bunch of loose change and add it all up.

Penny: This isn't your car.
Leonard: I know. I thought we'd take yours.

"Let's just get this over with." Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory, or are we having sex?

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 445 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Amy: Sheldon, there's something else I've been wanting to say, but before I do, I just... I want you to know that you don't have to say it back.I know you're not ready, and I don't want you to say it just because social convention dictates...
Sheldon: I love you, too.
Amy: You said it.
Sheldon: There's no denying I have feelings for you that can't be explained in any other way. I briefly considered that I had a brain parasite. But that seems even more far-fetched. The only conclusion was love.