The Big Bang Theory
Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBSLeonard Hofstadter Quotes
That was Wil -- he's feeling a lot better. Apparently, he's 12-down in the TV Guide crossword puzzle.
Sheldon: Quick poll: PS4 or Xbox One? Raj.
Raj: Uh, Xbox One.
Sheldon: Penny.
Penny: Huh?
Sheldon: Leonard.
Leonard: PS4.
Sheldon: Wolowitz.
Howard: Both great.
Sheldon: Bernadette.
Bernadette: I like the Wii.
Sheldon: Thanks, Grandma
Penny: Okay, look, here, page 58. I oil-wrestle an orangutan
in a bikini.
Leonard: Just to clarify, which one of you is wearing the bikini?
Penny: Both of us.
Leonard: So it's a family film.
Penny: Next time I get pulled over for a speeding ticket, here come the waterworks.
Sheldon [running to bathroom]: Here come the waterworks!
Leonard: Aren't you gonna ask?
Penny: What is this, my first day?
Sheldon: Boy, do I have to urinate.
Leonard: If only there were a solution
to that.
Sheldon: Seriously. I feel like I've got
a fish tank in my pelvis.
He has a very sensitive butt. Well, it's true. I once saw him sit on a bunch of loose change and add it all up.
Penny: This isn't your car.
Leonard: I know. I thought we'd take yours.
"Let's just get this over with." Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory, or are we having sex?
Sheldon: No, I've changed. Like the frog who's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually he doesn't realize he's boiling to death.
Penny: Or you're the frog who's been kissed by a princess and turned into a prince.
Leonard: Or, you're just a tall, annoying frog.
Sheldon: I have spent years turning this lump of clay into an acceptable conduit for my will, and then you came along and reshaped him, with your newfangled ideas and your fancy genitals.
Penny: Are you gonna let him talk to me like this?
Leonard: "Fancy" sounds like a compliment.
Penny: Translation?
Leonard: Waah. I don't want a table!
Leonard: In fact, if you want, we can do it right here on Sheldon's spot.
Penny: That is the least sexy thing anyone's ever said to me.
