(Gibbs walks into the squad room)
Gibbs: Come on, grab your gear. Don't wanna miss the school bus.
Tony: Class trip, boss?
Gibbs: Got a dead petty officer in a high school stairwell. Janitor found him this morning.
Tony: Hmm. (Starts singing) Wheels on the bus go...
Gibbs: (Gibbs joins in) ...round and round, round and round, round and round...

Admiral Chase: Does Agent David carry a weapon?
Gibbs: She is a weapon.

Abby: Gibbs! Trying to give me heart palpitations?
Gibbs: No. What've you got, Abbs?
Abby: Heart palpitations.

(Gibbs walks in on Tony and McGee with the blow-up doll)
Tony: Morning, Boss!
McGee: This isn't what it looks like, Boss.
Gibbs: Well, what is it, Tim?
McGee: Erm...a joke...I think. A really bad, practical joke.
Gibbs: I'm not laughing. (Gibbs turns and heads for his desk) Lose your gal-pal. (To everyone) Grab your gear. Got a dead Marine in Springfield.
(McGee tries effortlessly to hide the blow-up doll as the rest of the team head for the elevator)

Gibbs: Facebook. That's that thing that some people... do stuff with?
Ducky: The term is social networking.

Gibbs: The plane's missing.
Tony: It's been Kai-jacked!
Ziva: Did you really just say that?
Tony: I regret it already.

Admiral McGee: My relationship with my son is none of your damned business.
Gibbs: You make him think he's nothing. You're the one with nothing.

I'm not alone.

Ziva: I was wrong about Ari. And you. When I pulled the trigger, to save your life, I was not 'following orders.' I mean, how could you even think ... He was my brother. And now he is gone. Eli is all but dead to me. And the closest thing I have ... to a father...is accusing me...
Gibbs: OK.

Tobias: This is a big deal, you letting me drive your car.
Gibbs: Whatever, you already slept with my wife.

Gibbs: Get Tony and Ziva out of bed.
McGee: What? Oh, you want me to get them out of bed. Because it's the middle of the night. Their individual beds.

Parsons: Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs you've manipulated evidence, and you've obstructed justice. Do you take full responsibility for the actions of your team?
Gibbs: What do you think?

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.