(Gibbs walks into the squad room)
Gibbs: Come on, grab your gear. Don't wanna miss the school bus.
Tony: Class trip, boss?
Gibbs: Got a dead petty officer in a high school stairwell. Janitor found him this morning.
Tony: Hmm. (Starts singing) Wheels on the bus go...
Gibbs: (Gibbs joins in) ...round and round, round and round, round and round...

Admiral Chase: Does Agent David carry a weapon?
Gibbs: She is a weapon.

Gibbs: Facebook. That's that thing that some people... do stuff with?
Ducky: The term is social networking.

(Gibbs walks in on Tony and McGee with the blow-up doll)
Tony: Morning, Boss!
McGee: This isn't what it looks like, Boss.
Gibbs: Well, what is it, Tim?
McGee: Erm...a joke...I think. A really bad, practical joke.
Gibbs: I'm not laughing. (Gibbs turns and heads for his desk) Lose your gal-pal. (To everyone) Grab your gear. Got a dead Marine in Springfield.
(McGee tries effortlessly to hide the blow-up doll as the rest of the team head for the elevator)

Abby: Gibbs! Trying to give me heart palpitations?
Gibbs: No. What've you got, Abbs?
Abby: Heart palpitations.

Admiral McGee: My relationship with my son is none of your damned business.
Gibbs: You make him think he's nothing. You're the one with nothing.

Gibbs: The plane's missing.
Tony: It's been Kai-jacked!
Ziva: Did you really just say that?
Tony: I regret it already.

Tony: I have to break one of your rules, boss. Number six: never say you're sorry. I let things get out of control in the hotel room.
Gibbs: Ah, it's covered. Rule eighteen.
Tony: Oh, yeah. It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. Am I forgiven?
Gibbs: No.

Tobias: This is a big deal, you letting me drive your car.
Gibbs: Whatever, you already slept with my wife.

Ziva: These chocolates are delicious!
Gibbs: Hey, dad. Stop making my team fat.
Ziva: Gibbs, why didn't you tell us your father was coming?
Gibbs: I didn't think he'd actually show. Go ahead, have another one, bubble butt.
Tony: It's my metabolism slowing with age.

Tony: You know, I've been thinking about getting a dog.
Gibbs: He's not a dog. He's a Marine.

Gibbs: What's that?
Ducky: His liver, riddled with inoperable tumors. It doesn't appear to have been under treatment. I'd have given him six months.
Gibbs: Made killing himself easier.
Ducky: Pity does not validate cowardice.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

[voiceover] Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.

McGee