Ducky: First Ziva, and now a child?
Gibbs: Not a typical day.

Bishop: Want me to alert building security?
Gibbs: No. I'll shoot him.

You did a good job McGee. You did exactly what you had to do.

Gibbs: What's he doing here?
Fornell: Good to see you too! How come you never responded to my Snapchat?

Tony: It's obvious you're looking to hire a replacement.
Gibbs: Motive?
McGee: I don't know. Maybe you think we need the help. Three's the magic number. Who knows? But, we don't need anyone else, boss. And we don't want anyone either.
Gibbs: I was talking about the murder.

Tony: The little autopsy gremlin is growing up.
Ducky: His whole life is going to change.
Gibbs: Over and over.

If feels like you're being played, you probably are. (Season 9, Episode 1)

Rule #36

Did you happen to catch her name, DiNozzo, or is that not the way dates work anymore?

Gibbs: Book 'em, Dan-ozzo.
Tony: Nice Hawaii Five-O reference, boss.

Gibbs: How about you? Did it get weird, her and her husband?
Tony: Do you really want to know?
Gibbs: No.

Gibbs: Can you beam this up to McGee?
Abby: Well I can't beam it Captain Kirk, but I can send it up, sure.
Gibbs: Captain who?

Gibbs: You've been saving that one, Mo!
Cabot: You have no idea.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.