Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks-and-recreation

Whale tail. Whale tail. She's flashing a whale tale. Abort. Abort.

I pre-dialed 9-1-1 so all you have to do is press send.

Ben: What's going on?
Leslie: Some guy handcuffed himself to a pipe in my office because we wouldn't put a copy of Twilight in the time capsule.
Ben: Damn it. Again?

So, enjoy watching it. Assuming you still have electricity. And sorry about the weird blank gap in the middle. A man named Jerry Gergich screwed up the recording somehow. He had one job to do.

Leslie: For the last time. And I won't say this again. There will be no human or feline ashes in either one of the time capsules.
Man: Except for Turnip. Except for Turnip...
Leslie: No chanting.

Leslie: Please remember, this is a government project. So, we need to refrain from corporate promotion and religious items. Who'd like to start?
Man: I think we should put in the Bible.
Leslie: Great.

Shauna: How's this for a headline? Parks department foiled by pipe dreams.
Leslie: God, that's an amazing headline. But please don't write that story.

Leslie: It's not cool. It's trespassing, and that is breaking the rules. Cool people make the rules. They don't break the rules. And if those kids want you to break the rules then they're not really your friends.
April: Whoa, who are you even talking about?

Leslie: Ah, you are the person that's been emailing me about Twilight. I thought you would be younger. And a girl.
Kelly: Well I'm not. I'm older and a boy.

Leslie: I thought of a great headline: It's time to en-capsule-ate the future. Sub headline: The parks department cuts the crapsule, buries the time capsule.

Leslie: Yes. Pawnee has had its set of problems. But this time capsule is our way of saying that Pawnee is going to be around for a long time... capsule. And you can quote me on that.
Shauna: Oh, I'm actually going to quote you on all of this because it's a newspaper article.

Leslie: Pawnee, the Paris of America. Pawnee, the Akron of southwest Indiana. Pawnee, welcome, German soldiers. After the Nazis took France our mayor kind of panicked. Pawnee, the factory fire capital of America. Pawnee, welcome, Vietnamese soldiers. Pawnee, engage with Zorp. For a brief time in the '70s, our town was taken over by a cult. Pawnee, Zorp is dead. Long live Zorp. Pawnee, it's safe to be here now. Pawnee, birthplace of Julia Roberts. That was a lie, she sued and so we had to change it. Pawnee, home of the world famous Julia Roberts lawsuit. Pawnee, welcome, Taliban soldiers. And finally, our current slogan: Pawnee, first in friendship, fourth in obesity.

Displaying quotes 217 - 228 of 518 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

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