One time when I was in high school a guy's mom called me and broke up with me for him. There was another time when I was on a date and I tripped and broke my kneecap, and then the guy said he wasn't feeling it, so he left and I waited for an ambulance. One time I was dating this guy for awhile, and then he got down on one knee and he begged me to never call him again. One guy broke up with me while we were in the shower together. Skywriting isn't always positive. Another time a guy invited me to a beautiful picnic with wine and flowers. And then when I tried to sit down, he said, "Don't eat anything. Rebecca's coming." And then he broke up with me.

If you would be willing to just take a brief pit stop, we could see Indiana's second-largest rocking chair.

Then I'm sure he's not cheating on you. But if he is, he's a monster. And if he's not, you guys are great together. But if he is, I will kill him.

Leslie: I think it should be me and then you. But, if you want, it could be you and then me. Or it could go me you me. What do you think?
Ron: How about just you?
Leslie: Thank you, Ron. Yes.

Leslie, you need to understand that we are headed to the most special place on earth. When I'm done eating a Mulligan's meal, for weeks afterwards there flecks of meat in my mustache and I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.

Ron

He's not going to be able to keep anything from me. In high school they used to call me Angela Lansbery... but that was because of my hair cut.

Skywriting isn't always positive.

We are colleagues with benefits. We're colleagues who benefit from the fact that we're also friends.

I'm sorry, Shauna. I think I need to go. But, um, thank you so much and as always everything I said is off the record. OK? Bye.

Well, the douche, it's a Pawnee tradition and it's where fun meets awesome.. meets agriculture.

And I even called Oprah. Well, I tried to call Oprah. Couldn't get her number. I'm putting it out there, like The Secret. And hopefully she'll call me.

Leslie: Boy, 35 percent.
Ben: It's actually 34.2 percent.
Leslie: 34.2 percent. I am Ben, the numbers robot.