Ron: To me, this situation is a blood-soaked, nightmare-ish hellscape. However to Leslie Knope-
Leslie: Oh how fun!
April: Yay.

Mark: Leslie, can I run something by you really quick?
Leslie: Sure, I love having things run by me.
Mark: I feel like you're being sarcastic right now.
Leslie: No, no. I'm not. I genuinely love it. Run it by me. Go ahead. Go, go, go.

This is the only copy, and I'm going to destroy it. Right after I watch it one more time. I'm sorry but it is so, good.

Leslie: Why didn't you just tell everybody the truth?
Jerry: Are you kidding me? Imagine what Tom would have said.
Leslie: Damn, Jerry! You jumped in a creek for a burrito? What'd you do for a Klondike bar? Kill your wife?

Carl: There's been 10 assaults already this year.
Leslie: Wow, really? Can't you station a park ranger out here?
Carl: We have! Who do you think they're assaulting? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell.

Carl: Oh you think you know how to do my job? You might not be so confident once you've walked a mile in my size 7s.
Leslie: Kinda small feet.
Tom: Actually 7 is the worldwide average.
Carl: Boom!

Tom: You went on a vacation and you chose Muncie, Indiana?
Jerry: My wife and I have a timeshare.
Tom: In Muncie?!
Leslie: Tom, Muncie is a lovely city.

April: I thought Freddy Spaghetti OD'd.
Leslie: No, that's Mr. Funny Noodle. And he didn't OD; his drummer shot him.
April: Oh.

Scientifically hummingbirds are the world's cutest animals. I mean they're so small, they have tiny beaks and they only eat sugar water. I mean what beats that? Come on. Baby monkeys in diapers? Yeah, they do. Baby monkeys in diapers are cutest.

When I retire, and I'm attending some gala honoring the first three female presidents in history, myself and two other women I have inspired, I want to be looking back at my distinguished legacy and not thinking that I owe my career to some possum. And I want to be wearing a huge beautiful blue hat!

I can't kill the possum because it might be innocent. I can't let the possum go because it might be guilty. Can't make a good soup, can't do a handstand in a pool, can't spell the word lieutenant. There's a lot of can'ts in my life right now.

OK, hypothetically if you're going on a mission to, say, catch a guilty whale. And while you were catching the whale, you saw something else that may also be another whale, and you were like, "What?" But then you thought, "Maybe it's not a whale. Maybe it's a big fish, maybe it's a submarine with a face painted on it." The point is if I kill the first whale, am I technically a murderer?

Parks & Rec Quotes

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.


Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!