Andy: We're acting under direct orders from Mayor Gunderson's dog.
Leslie: Office.

The IOW is a bunch of sexist jerks who need to get back in the kitchen where they belong and leave the real feminist work to actual feminists like Ron Swanson. Oh my god what is happening?

Ron: Come on Leslie, you know I'm not sexist. I love powerful women.
Leslie: You do attend a shocking number of WNBA games.

Winning is every girl's dream. But it's my destiny. And my dream.

Every child has the right to play, no matter how boring the sport.

Or, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Oh, Jen. I really want you to be happy. Stay away from John Mayer!

Justin: Pick you up tomorrow around noon.
Leslie: For our nooner, which is a cute word!
Ron: Explain it to her later.
Leslie: Explain what?

Leslie: Some of them have been married for half a century. And, no offense, but everybody here is terrible at love. Divorced, dating a gay guy, divorced twice, jury's still out on you two, and Jerry, who knows?
Jerry: I've been happily married for 28 years. You've met my wife, Gail, many times.
Leslie: Whatever.

But if you find him and he's weird, like a ventriloquist or a puppeteer or anyone who pretends toys are people, then abort the mission.

It's the most romantic story ever. It makes The Notebook look like Saw V.

If you look inside your bags you will find a few things. A bouquet of hand crocheted flower pens, a mosaic portrait of each of you made from the crushed bottles of your favorite diet soda and a personalized 5,000-word essay of why you are all so awesome.

There are very few things I have asked for in this world. To build a new park from scratch, to eventually become president and to one day solve a murder on a train.