Leslie: Andy, you remember Shauna Malwae-Tweep from the Pawnee Journal?
Andy: How could I forget? You wrote the article when I fell in the pit and then afterwards had sex with Mark and everyone talked about it.

Tom: How long do you think it will take me to learn golf, Leslie?
Leslie: I could teach you. I have a 16 handicap. But, you know, it takes a lot of practice. You have to get up early, hit the range, practice reading greens.
Tom: Yeah I don't want to do all that. I'd say I just want some of those dope pants.

Leslie: Ron will show you around.
Ron: Um, right this way is the exit.

Leslie: Ma'am, the next we speak, we shall be dancing on the grave of a possum.
Evelyn: Great.

Evelyn: Let's be honest. Animal control is not the most effective branch of our government.
Leslie: They're a bunch of burned-out morons.

Fairway Frank is this awful possum who lives near the sixth hole of the public golf course. And he's actually number three on the Parks Department's most wanted pest list, right behind the bats who like to poop on the bell tower and Poopy, the raccoon who poops all over the high school cafeteria.

Leslie: Oh, hello! I've always dreamed of you.
Evelyn: Excuse me?
Leslie: Meeting you.

Leslie: Possum, there was a possum. We captured a possum and we brought it into your house and it got out and it might have laid eggs in your bed.
Ann: What?
Leslie: And it went into your laundry and your kitchen and it touched all your bras. And I'm so sorry, it's our fault we captured it and it got out and it ran around and it was a possum, OK? April, run, April. Sorry, Ann. I love you!

Andy: We're acting under direct orders from Mayor Gunderson's dog.
Leslie: Office.

The IOW is a bunch of sexist jerks who need to get back in the kitchen where they belong and leave the real feminist work to actual feminists like Ron Swanson. Oh my god what is happening?

Ron: Come on Leslie, you know I'm not sexist. I love powerful women.
Leslie: You do attend a shocking number of WNBA games.

Winning is every girl's dream. But it's my destiny. And my dream.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April