Every child has the right to play, no matter how boring the sport.

Or, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Oh, Jen. I really want you to be happy. Stay away from John Mayer!

Justin: Pick you up tomorrow around noon.
Leslie: For our nooner, which is a cute word!
Ron: Explain it to her later.
Leslie: Explain what?

Leslie: Some of them have been married for half a century. And, no offense, but everybody here is terrible at love. Divorced, dating a gay guy, divorced twice, jury's still out on you two, and Jerry, who knows?
Jerry: I've been happily married for 28 years. You've met my wife, Gail, many times.
Leslie: Whatever.

But if you find him and he's weird, like a ventriloquist or a puppeteer or anyone who pretends toys are people, then abort the mission.

It's the most romantic story ever. It makes The Notebook look like Saw V.

If you look inside your bags you will find a few things. A bouquet of hand crocheted flower pens, a mosaic portrait of each of you made from the crushed bottles of your favorite diet soda and a personalized 5,000-word essay of why you are all so awesome.

There are very few things I have asked for in this world. To build a new park from scratch, to eventually become president and to one day solve a murder on a train.

Leslie: Everybody stop talking, until Justin gets here. Don't use up your stories.
Mark: Well I think somebody from Animal Services is going to get canned-
Leslie: Oh my god, what part of no talking do you not understand? Please have a good time and shut your mouth.

Ann: What do you need this bird house for? Can we get rid of it?
Leslie: I might need it.
Ann: What about this one?
Leslie: Well, if two birds come along.

Ron: How many courses will there be?
Leslie: Three
Ron: Hmm?
Leslie: Four.
Ron: Hmm.
Leslie: Not including dessert.
Ron: So five courses.
Leslie: Yes, now it will be five courses.

Justin: You've got to try this.
Leslie: Oh that's really good.
Justin: Isn't it great? It's camel stomach.
Leslie: Is it?
Justin: I'm teasing, I'm teasing. It's chicken.
Waiter: Would you like to try the camel stomach?
Leslie: No.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Last week I was in clue in the Pawnee paper crossword puzzle. The clue? "Who's the worst?"

Leslie

Was it Putin? Voldemort Putin? Of Russia?

Andy