Leslie: I believe that you're innocent until proven guilty in this country. That's the cornerstone of democracy.
Andy: Sure.
Leslie: On the other hand. Greg Pikitis is a little punk. And I kind of want to TP his house.

Greg's Fake Mom: Do you have any evidence?
Leslie: Yes. Two words. Peach pit. His DNA is all over it I assume.
Dave: We don't know that.
Leslie: We can get it tested....
Dave: We can't.
Leslie: And if it matches your DNA than you're going away for a long time.

Leslie: You talk to him first. You have a scary face.
Dave: Hey!
Leslie: No, in a good way. Scary cute.

Leslie [about a peach pit]: This is his ace of spades. This is his calling card. This is what he leaves all his victims. And it's still warm. OK, go arrest him and send this to the lab.
Dave: We don't have a lab.

Leslie: Suspect laughing with friends, and playing with his stupid skateboard in a snide, turdish manner.
Dave: Turdish?
Leslie: Yes. Like a turd. Like a little turd.

Leslie: Suspect still with friends in parking lot. He looks obnoxious and irritating, even from a great distance.
Dave: Uh, confirmed.

Leslie: Commit this to memory. You see him, you stomp him. Knock his head off if you have to.
Dave: Don't do that.
Leslie: Don't do that. But I give you permission to use excessive force.
Dave: Don't use excessive force.
Leslie: Don't go overboard. Just stop him, by any means necessary.
Dave: No.
Leslie: No. Just stop him. (under breath) You know what I mean.

Leslie: William Percy. One of Pawnee's greatest mayors, and a true hero. During the Pawnee bread factory fire of 1922, he ran back into a burning building and saved the beloved secret recipe for Pawnee pumpernickel.
Dave: Didn't like 30 people die in that fire?
Leslie: He wasn't Superman.

Ann: That looks like something you would find on the wall of a serial killer.
Leslie: In a way, that's a compliment. Shows dedication.

He's like an invisible, adolescent, James Bond super villain criminal mastermind. Or maybe someone else is doing it.

How does taking risks make me feel? Amazing. Tingling sensation throughout my whole body. I feel flushed. My muscles are relaxed yet I feel awake. Just waves of pleasure. I wish there was something physical that could make me feel this way.

Hey, Andy, it's your aunt. You mom or dad's sister. I don't know how to tell you this, but your uncle has passed. He's with Jesus now. So we're having a memorial in 30 minutes at City Hall.