If you want to meet, just put a white chalk X on the mailbox across the street from city hall. Or call me back. Just call me back.

Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.

Leslie: Hey, can I smoke in here?
Ron: You don't smoke.
Leslie: Just askin' if I can.
Ron: Are you high?
Leslie: I'm high on kaboom.

Say you had a friend who wanted to do something good, but a little risky and she was kind of nervous about it, and this friend is me. What should I do?

Mark: Would you break the rules?
Leslie: I won't murder.
Mark: That's good to know.

I am so sick of moving like a slug. I want to move like a cheetah. Or a slug driving a remote controlled car. Something more plausible than that. But fast.

Leslie: How do we cut through the red tape and how do we get this pit filled in? Ideas?
Tom: We need to cut through the red tape and get the pit filled in.
Leslie: Yes, Tom. Good.

In my next life I'm going in a private industry. Maybe strip mining.

Ann: Man, this is tough.
Leslie: Yeah, but just think of all the kids that'll swing on this swing. Fat kids, skinny kids, brainiacs, sluts, the gay drama kids, goths, jocks, the alternative crowd.
Ann: Mmm hmm.

Well, we're here in Eagleton. It's two towns over. And we're all volunteering for KaBOOM!, a service organization that says it builds a playground in a day. I never trust anything that comes that quickly. That's why I don't eat minute rice.

Tom: So, what does the Man Pillow look like?
Leslie: Daniel Craig. It's for my lower back.

Credit Card Rep: $20 to Netflix.
Leslie: Yup.
Credit Card Rep: $20 to Blockbuster Online.
Tom: Both?
Leslie: I needed all 11 discs of Gossip Girl at the same time.