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Leslie: What kind of spice is this?
Tom: The best way to figure out what kind of spice THAT is ... is roll it up into a joint and smoke it.
- Permalink: What kind of spice is this? The best way to figure out what ki...
Ann: I just want to check one last time that you're okay about this date with Mark.
Leslie: Oh, Ann, I am so fine. As long as you and me are cool. You know my code. Hos before bros. Uteruses before duderuses.
Ann: Got it.
Leslie. Ovaries before bovaries.
- Permalink: I just want to check one last time that you're okay about this d...
I want to be president someday, so I have not smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once. At a party in college. It was kind of indescribable really. I felt like I was floating. It turns out that there wasn't any marijuana in it, it was just an insanely good brownie.
- Permalink: I want to be president someday, so I have not smoked marijuana. ...
Leslie: All that matters is that Ann and Mark got home okay. That Ann went back to her home and Mark went back to his home. That they're both at their homes, and-
Tom: Leslie. Mark's an idiot. You can do better than him.
Leslie: Aww. Thanks Tom.
Tom: I don't mean me. Keep it in your pants, Knope.
- Permalink: All that matters is that Ann and Mark got home okay. That Ann we...
Tom: What is this?
Leslie: It is a mix CD. It's full of songs about people watching people ... it's mostly Sting.
- Permalink: What is this? It is a mix CD. It's full of songs about people ...
Tom: [on his name] I changed it to Tom Haverford. Because brown guys with funny sounding Muslim names don't make it far in politics.
Leslie: What about Barack Obama?
Tom: Okay. Yeah. Fine. Barack Obama.
- Permalink: I changed it to Tom Haverford. Because brown guys with funny sou...
Cop: Ma'am, as I told you, this is a police matter.
Leslie: Well, it doesn't seem to MATTER. To the POLICE!
Cop: Okay, nice job with that.
- Permalink: Ma'am, as I told you, this is a police matter. Well, it doesn'...
Cop: What branch of government are you in?
Leslie: Parks and Recreation.
Cop: Parks and Recreation.
Leslie: Yes. Parks and recreation. Did I STUTTER?
- Permalink: What branch of government are you in? Parks and Recreation. ...
There are two bisexual guys here and I got both of their phone numbers. Oh yeah!
- Permalink: There are two bisexual guys here and I got both of their phone n...
Marcia: When you symbolically married those penguins on government property you took a stand in favor of the gay marriage agenda.
Leslie: That's not what I intended.
Marcia: Then why else would you marry penguins?
Leslie: Because I firmly believed that it would be cute. And it was!
- Permalink: When you symbolically married those penguins on government prope...
You know why tonight is so much fun? Because everyone's so gay. And they know how to have fun, and the dancing ... everyone is just who they are and who they are is just stone cold gay.
- Permalink: You know why tonight is so much fun? Because everyone's so gay. ...
Ron: Okay, here's the situation.
Leslie: Your parents went away on a week's vacation and left the keys to the brand new Porsche? I'll just take it for a little spin and maybe show it off to a couple of friends. That's when I saw this beautiful girlie girl walking. I picked up my car phone to perpetrate like I was talking. this girl's hand was steadily moving up my thigh. She had opened up three buttons on her shirt so far. I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car. Well parents are the same no matter time nor place, so to you other kids all across the land, no need to worry, parents just don't understand!
Ron: Someone is on fire in Ramsett Park. They need you to get down there right away.
- Permalink: Okay, here's the situation. Your parents went away on a week's...