Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks-and-recreation

You know I was only with Mark for one night and I was hung up on him for six years. I dated Dave for three months, so if I continue that pattern I won't be over him for 500 years.

I'm trying to think of this as an adventure, just getting right back on that horse, even if that horse is crazy and wants to peer inside my body.

Chris: Are you on your period?
Leslie: No. Does that matter?
Chris: Not for this.

It's gotten a lot harder to work in government. You think Winston Churchill ever had to pull his pants down and show his butt? No. But would he have? Yes. Now could he have? Well maybe not towards the end of his life. But, he would have. Because he loved his job.

In a 24-hour news cycle, the tiniest story gets dissected over and over again. In 2004, a kid from Pawnee went to the Olympics, and it was reported on for over a year. He wasn't even competing or anything. He was just going literally to watch the Olympics.

Dave: If I ever see that guy I'm gonna punch him right in the face.
Leslie: Yeah, that's sweet. Use your nightstick.

April: Do you want me to seduce Perd Hapley?
Leslie: How would that help?
April: I don't know. I just want to see if I could do it.
Leslie: April, I appreciate that, but I don't think it's something worth losing your virginity over.

Leslie: Our tree lighting ceremony will be simulcast on Internet radio.
Tom: That's a really big deal.
Leslie: It is. Thank you.
Tom: Listening to that tree lighting's gonna be dop

Leslie: Everyone's going to do Santa for two hours, so I would just advise everyone before you get in your costume to go to the bathroom so we can avoid what happened last year.
Jerry: It was just farts.

Displaying quotes 361 - 369 of 518 in total