Mark: Would you break the rules?
Leslie: I won't murder.
Mark: That's good to know.

I am so sick of moving like a slug. I want to move like a cheetah. Or a slug driving a remote controlled car. Something more plausible than that. But fast.

Leslie: How do we cut through the red tape and how do we get this pit filled in? Ideas?
Tom: We need to cut through the red tape and get the pit filled in.
Leslie: Yes, Tom. Good.

In my next life I'm going in a private industry. Maybe strip mining.

Ann: Man, this is tough.
Leslie: Yeah, but just think of all the kids that'll swing on this swing. Fat kids, skinny kids, brainiacs, sluts, the gay drama kids, goths, jocks, the alternative crowd.
Ann: Mmm hmm.

Well, we're here in Eagleton. It's two towns over. And we're all volunteering for KaBOOM!, a service organization that says it builds a playground in a day. I never trust anything that comes that quickly. That's why I don't eat minute rice.

Tom: So, what does the Man Pillow look like?
Leslie: Daniel Craig. It's for my lower back.

Credit Card Rep: $20 to Netflix.
Leslie: Yup.
Credit Card Rep: $20 to Blockbuster Online.
Tom: Both?
Leslie: I needed all 11 discs of Gossip Girl at the same time.

I am gonna build that park myself. And it is gonna be awesome. And it's not gonna have a fountain shaped like Hugo Chavez's head spitting water all over everyone. Unless that's what the people want.

Leslie: Let's look at the pros and cons.
Ann: Pro, we can fill in the pit and build a park.
Leslie: Con, we might be filling it in with dirty money.
Tom: Pro, $35,000 worth of dirty money.
Leslie: Con, not quite sure why that's a pro.
Mark: We can fill in the pit.
Leslie: Con, Ann already said that. Pro and con never works.
Tom: Pro, yes it does.

Leslie: I'm gonna return the money.
Tom: Are you crazy? You could buy a low-end Lexus with that money.
Ann: Or you could build a park with that money.

Raul: No wonder nothing ever gets done in this country.
Leslie: Really? Nothing gets done. Tell that to the Golden Gate Bridge. Or American Idol. Or the moon. Oh wait, you can't because you've never been there.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!


Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.