How I Met Your Mother

Lily Aldrin Quotes (Page 14)

Robin: Shut up! Now listen to me. The clock is ticking. Okay, first thing: we scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage. Next, what we need to take care of are the messy parts; the pools that have collected. We gotta soak that soup up. Last...is the smell. We gotta cover up that Tam Kuk Gye. You mentioned cigars?
Lily: There's two in the glove compartment, but he's been saving...
Robin: Hand me those chopsticks.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney [about waiting in line for a wedding dress sale]: I can't go, I've got this thing....
Lily: What thing?
Barney: ...a penis
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up?
Barney: Have I taught you nothing, Ted?
Ted: Virtually.
Barney: Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
Lily: Sartorial?
Barney: Of, or pertaining to, tailors or their trade. Suits are for the living. That's why, when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it. BUCK NAKED. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: You have been blessed with a wonderful gift.
Lily: Thank you.
Barney: I meant me
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily [trying to paint Barney with a sword in his hand]: I don't think your sword will fit.
Barney: I get that a lot.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: I've never been to the Empire State Building before, but I'm glad I waited.
Lily: I haven't been to the Empire State Building either, but I'm glad I get to go with my fiancée.
Marshall: And I signed an abstinence pledge in high school, and it's totally cool. Also, stay away from drugs... except pot.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney [about his brother]: He's the awesomest, most best-lookingest, greatest guy ever!
Lily: He's exactly like Barney.
Barney: That's what I just said.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural.
Lily: Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: Like you really need an excuse to watch porn.
Barney: Canadian porn. Trust me when I tell you their universal health care plan doesn't cover breast implants. If I have to watch one more flat-chested Nova Scotian riding a Mountie on the back of a Zamboni, I'm going to go "oot" of my mind.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Fine, if you wanna know what Robin's secret is...
Ted: You know??!
Barney: Of course I know. She couldn't look at us. Her face got flushed. That's shame, my friend. Our friend Robin used to do porn....wait for it....ography!
Ted: Yea, we didn't really need to wait for that. And it's ridiculous!
Lily: I don't know. He could be right. She does have the fake orgasm noises down.
Ted: Hey!
Lily: What? The walls are thin.
Ted: That's not what I'm 'hey'-ing you about.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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