Robin: Let me ask you something, Ted... why are you so much madder at Barney than me?Lily: Yeah... she had just as much sex with Barney as Barney had with her!
Robin: You know what, I'm not sure that's true
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Barney: There are four kinds of women who go to the hardware store by themselves.
Robin: Of course there are.
Barney: Single, recently single, recently divorced, lesbian who will let me watch.
Lily: You can not be more evil.
Barney: Sorry five. Recently widowed.
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Ted [showing his tramp-stamp]: Say goodbye, kids, 'cause it won't be around much longer.
Lily: Oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper from Reno with daddy issues?
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Robin [wearing no makeup at the gym]: Shut up. Lily, tell him to shut up.
Lily: I'm sorry, lesbian prison guard. Do we know each other?
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Robin: Wow. That makes me want to join a gym. So I can get super strong and punch you really hard in the face.
Ted: Yes, we should all do it.
Lily: Yeah. Let's all punch Barney in the face.
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Lily: Well guys, have fun.
Ted: Woah, this is gonna be a major cleanup.
Everyone [saluting]: Major Cleanup!
Marshall: Oh man, we're gonna be doing this all the time now, aren't we?
Robin: That's the general idea.
Everyone [saluting]: General Idea!
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Marshall: [looking for his password] Jelly beans, fluffernutter, gummi bears, ginger snaps- this is a grocery list.
Robin: For who, a witch building a house in the forest?
Marshall: Sugar helps me study.
Barney: This is the kind of shopping a ten-year-old does when he's alone for the weekend.
Lily: Who leaves a 10 year old alone for the weekend?
Barney: And your mom was perfect.
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Robin: What the hell are you doing? You can't buy this place. Lily, you have a debt the size of Mount Waddington.
Lily: Waddington?
Robin: It's the tallest mountain in Canada. It's like 4000 metres high.
Lily: Meters?
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Lily: Hi. My name is Lily, and I'm a shopaholic.
Robin: Hi, Lily. Oh, you guys don't do that here? Sorry. Proceed.
Lily: I buy designer clothes and accesories that I can't afford. I have fifteen credit cards and they're all maxed out. And nobody outside this room, not even my husband, knows and I feel terrible because all I want to do right now is ask you where you got those shoes, they're adorable!
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Marshall: Ted, how many times have I told you to put the lid back on the peanut butter jar?! It's this inconsiderate, immature jackassry that makes me feel like I'm living in The Real World House! And not the early days when they all had jobs and social consciences, I'm talking about Hawaii, and after! I can't take it anymore! Ted, Lily and I are married now! It's time! We're getting our own place!
Lily:... Actually, I left the lid off, sorry, baby
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 176
