Robin [Lily walks out, wearing her wedding dress]: Wow, Lily, you look so beautiful!Lily: I know, I'm beautiful! I'm a fairy princess! [she lifts her arms up and the dress falls down to her waist, exposing her breasts] I'm too skinny for my dress!!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Marshall: The broken windows?
Lily: We had to make it look realistic!
Marshall: Well why did you break two of them?
Robin: Uhhh...it looked like fun when she did it so I wanted to try.
Marshall: I can't believe this whole time it was you guys; I've been blaming Really Tan Dancing Leotard guy
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily: These cigars aren't helping at all.
Robin: Yeah, this was a terrible idea.
Lily: Uggh, now it just smells like a...homeless guy threw up in here.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Robin: Shut up! Now listen to me. The clock is ticking. Okay, first thing: we scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage. Next, what we need to take care of are the messy parts; the pools that have collected. We gotta soak that soup up. Last...is the smell. We gotta cover up that Tam Kuk Gye. You mentioned cigars?
Lily: There's two in the glove compartment, but he's been saving...
Robin: Hand me those chopsticks.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney [about waiting in line for a wedding dress sale]: I can't go, I've got this thing....
Lily: What thing?
Barney: ...a penis
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Ted: So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up?
Barney: Have I taught you nothing, Ted?
Ted: Virtually.
Barney: Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
Lily: Sartorial?
Barney: Of, or pertaining to, tailors or their trade. Suits are for the living. That's why, when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it. BUCK NAKED. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: You have been blessed with a wonderful gift.
Lily: Thank you.
Barney: I meant me
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Lily [trying to paint Barney with a sword in his hand]: I don't think your sword will fit.
Barney: I get that a lot.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Robin: I've never been to the Empire State Building before, but I'm glad I waited.
Lily: I haven't been to the Empire State Building either, but I'm glad I get to go with my fiancée.
Marshall: And I signed an abstinence pledge in high school, and it's totally cool. Also, stay away from drugs... except pot.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney [about his brother]: He's the awesomest, most best-lookingest, greatest guy ever!
Lily: He's exactly like Barney.
Barney: That's what I just said.
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 176
